


A Plague (I call a heartbeat)

by Max Rasgar (Tear_U_Apart)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Canon Divergence - big time, Enchanted Forest Setting, F/F, Hook & Hood Free, Humor, Minimal Two Idiots®, Sass | Banter & Feels - which sounds like a firm, Season 3 - AU, SwanQueen - from start to finish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-15
Updated: 2016-07-15
Packaged: 2018-07-24 05:53:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7496412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tear_U_Apart/pseuds/Max%20Rasgar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No one escapes Pan's curse but it's not all like pulling teeth. Regina and Emma certainly try to make the best of the situation, while they try to embrace all the changes living life in the EF has brought out between the two of them. [Post: S3Ep19 AU]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arrhythmia

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own the characters I'm using to tell this non-profit tale. Trying to sue me would be a foolish waste of time.
> 
> A/N: If I summarized the hell out of this it would ruin the fun (for me) and negate the need to write copious amounts of words to tell a full on story. I will warn you though that I chose to write this story in Regina's POV in the first person and it has lots of dialogue/banter. (I'm not interested in writing an entire story of nothing but endless paragraphs of exposition.) So do what you have to do with the information provided and pass on this or not.
> 
> Soundtrack: "Love My Way" by The Psychedelic Furs & "Short Skirt-Long Jacket" by Cake

I could never miss this wretched land. I didn't even give myself the opportunity to miss the cold since Maine is about as warm as this place. It's snowing of course; fine dry flurries flit in the air every now and then, and every time I exhale the tale-tale vapor is a faint cloud in front of my face. The only good thing about being here, for now, is I didn't lose my son. One of the bad things is I didn't lose his other mother. I realize I should be more cordial to Emma but I've decided that's dangerous until proven otherwise. I've had more time than I've cared to spare in regards to the Savior and what has happened between us over the years.

That day on the town line I was prepared, as much as I could be, to lose the last thing that mattered to me. Though I neglected to factor in a stubborn Savior. The woman, who was engineered to get what she wanted, but only in destined circumstances, would in fact choose not to escape the curse. And while she was at it she elected to include my son in her plans too, but it's not as though I'm ungrateful for that. Since then I've assumed fate itself had finally elected to intervene due to Miss Swan's unfortunate circumstances that were set into motion for nothing short of a very selfish act. Not that my or rather Rumple's Dark Curse was anything giving.

I never would have harmed Emma as a child, even if the two idiots had done something smart for once in their lives and not shipped her off in a magical treehouse. I can't imagine anything crueler than doing that to an infant and then use blind faith as a way to justify it. I hope Emma never fully forgives her parents for that. I don't see how she could but then again I've done that and more for one kind word from my mother. I wanted more from her than what she gave me. I had one small glimpse of the person my mother could've been to me before she was gone. Lately, I've realized I hate that my mother kept my green sister's existence hidden from me.

In almost a vain effort to keep myself sane here, I try my best not to dwell on those thoughts too much or the ones that followed when I passed out after touching the scroll. I didn't really see what had to be done. Everyone was looking to me like I was bestowed with all the answers to our problems, but I didn't so I improvised. What I saw was images of my life that I had lived and one's that I hadn't. I saw Emma as something more than the most challenging nemesis I've had in a long time. I saw all the moments she went out of her way for likes of me. When my eyes opened to her, her name was already on my tongue and I hated that as much as I could.

"Shit! It's cold."

It would appear that the definition of curse has evolved to include being followed by persons who are difficult to escape.

"How are you even enjoying your little nature walk, Regina? I mean the blue fur coat you got on looks more decorative than functional, and I highly doubt skin tight leather pants are insulating."

I turn around to glare at the woman who is worse than some eager puppy for attention. Or more accurately I would liken her to an irritating rash that crops up without warning.

"I'll reconsider my wardrobe choices when you decide to stop dressing like a butch medieval Barbie."

Emma's mouth drops open and the sight makes me smirk. The woman has no idea how to clothe herself in any realm. Not that what she has on is beyond horrible. In fact if I weren't actively trying to insult her for the sheer pleasure of it I would say she actually looks like a quite striking female Viking warrior.

"I was wondering when you would start in on the blonde insults. It took a while. I guess you had to exhaust the prison jokes first."

I roll my eyes at her before turning away. My boots crunch in the freezing crust that has gathered on the surface of the snow. I only make four strides before I hear Miss Swan walking up behind me. If I hadn't been too busy analyzing my situation I would've heard her lumbering steps long before her mouth gave her away earlier.

"I do hope you stopped to pick your mother some Snowbells or some Talking Tulips?" I say while I listen to Emma's heavy breathing as she gets closer. "I mention that only because your father deemed it a reasonable action when we were traipsing in the Dark Forest looking for the door that led to that useless blonde twit."

Emma scoffs, "Mary Margaret said you couldn't pass through that door because of your heart or some such shit. Sounds like a whole bunch of bullshit to me. Glinda was probably afraid you would make her look like some second rate witch which she is since..."

"Emma, I don't need a recap. I was there and you were what...running around with the handless wonder making eyes while swapping spit and rum?"

The blonde idiot rushes up behind me faster and then I'm lurched forward when she bumps my shoulder with her's.

"Hey, I kissed him one time! One damn time!" Emma says rather sourly and I briefly glance over at her to see her frowning. "You know I've been given so much grief over it I wish I could take it back. Killian's driving me crazy over it and Mary Margaret isn't too far behind. And I think David has some kind of boy crush on him too."

I nearly laugh at Emma's deduction of her father Prince Charming having latent tendencies towards the loathsome pirate. Snow White is a better romantic prospect and coming from me that's saying a lot.

"What did you expect? Hook is over two hundred years old and not from the world you grew up in. If you didn't want his persistent attentions you should've passed on the thought of kissing him before kissing him." I say while trying to walk faster but Emma just matches me stride for stride. "And your mother is your mother; she reminds me of a yapping Pekingese with a squeaky chew toy. She'll not let go of the idea of your makeup and excessive man jewelry wearing pirate becoming your pirate true love anytime soon."

"God, can we stop talking about this?"

"Fine by me since I think Hook is a waste of oxygen and eyeliner."

Emma chuckles and then I feel her arm brush against mine, "So...Zelena's a trip. How are you dealing with being a little sister all of the sudden? I mean I get you were probably more comfortable when she was threatening you."

Typical. I do so enjoy Emma's clumsy attempts at verbal barbs. I try to walk a little faster, not too fast though because Queens do not run from anyone. But then of course she predictably matches my stride until she is right beside me yet again.

"Aww come on, Regina. You're too old to be giving me the silent treatment."

I stop abruptly to glare at the smirking former Sheriff of Storybrooke, "Miss Swan, are you trying to bait me into using you for magical target practice? Because if you reference my age one more time you can take it up with several of my fireballs."

Emma laughs, "I'm not afraid of you, I can defend myself. I have my own magic but I would never use it to hurt you."

I huff out a sigh, "I know."

And I do. This last year being back in a realm I no longer consider my home has only been bearable because of two people, Henry being one of those people and a certain annoying woman who has a penchant for red leather.

"Hey, is it that bad? Our age gap or something, is that it? I mean I saw that scruffy dude in green with the cute little boy making eyes at you. So you could give him a try if you're in the mood for something more rustic and from your age group."

"So you've come to your senses then have you?"

Emma scoffs and rolls her eyes, "No, shit. Okay, first off you don't look your age. And I can do basic math and I know you're technically only three or four years older than me. But there are other things, I mean you avoid me pretty much every chance you get. You don't want me to touch you. Christ Regina, what am I supposed to do? I told you I liked you a lot and I wanted to put our bitchtastic past behind us and try for something better. I mean I know you didn't exactly say 'yes' but you also didn't say 'no'. Help me out here, please?"

If we had no past and we had just met I would've said yes in less than a heartbeat. But nothing is ever that simple for me. My heart looks like it was infected with a black plague; it has so little light left in it. So all I'm left with is feeling like can't risk what I have left on just anyone.

"Regina, please don't string me along. I wouldn't do that to you."

"I'm not stringing you along, Emma."

"Then what is it? I mean Mary Margaret-Snow White and Prince Charming himself doesn't care that I have the hots for a certain Queen and Mayor."

"I don't need their approval." I say with a reproachful smirk and plenty of distain. "And 'the hots'? Tell me are those the type of sweet words you've used in the past to woo all your potential romantic conquests?"

Emma snorts, "I'm going to let that little quip slide since I know that's your way of wooing." I glare at Emma and in return she winks at me. "Okay then, so we're out in the cold because I have the hots for you and you needed to cool off your feverish attraction to me too? Or are you trying to freeze to death and that's your way of letting me down gently?"

"I didn't ask you to follow me, dear."

"I got that already."

My feet are getting cold in my boots and for a second I'm tempted to use one of my fireballs to start a fire. Emma is quiet for once so far and I'm usually not one for stall tactics, but I would bet she's more than likely of accusing me of such a thing in her thoughts right now.

"I need more time."

"Don't we all." Emma intones with a smirk. "But I'm not going to wait forever and no, that's not a passive aggressive way of telling you to hurry the hell up."

"I wonder if you want to...try this between us simply for Henry's sake. I'm having trouble understanding how you could've developed feelings for me, Emma."

The Savior huffs out an angry breath that makes a quite a large wisp of a cloud in the cold. I really can't comprehend her attraction to me, by all accounts its odd, but it's there and I'm including myself in that equation. The lull between us is somewhat stifling, so I turn away from Emma and start walking again. The Savior of course follows after me with a noticeable sigh.

"Why does everything have to be the trials of Hercules with you? I didn't ask for your hand in marriage. I asked you if you liked my company enough to spend more time with me. And is it so wrong that Henry wants his parents to get along? That's just me and you now."

I've had no desire to mention Neal for a while now. Even before Emma's suggestion to me he continually lurked around her until his unfortunate passing. Henry was hurt and I would never want to take anything away from that, no matter my feelings regarding the other person who is responsible for my son's life.

"We've been stuck here almost a year and I hate it here." Emma says while continuing to walk beside me. I had no clue she would be this talkative about everything that pops into her mind. "Even the shine of this place has worn off on the kid. Red doesn't like it so much anymore and she's a nature lover by birth; hello werewolf. My parents don't want to have another kid here without modern medicine at their disposal. Shit, I can't believe I'm going to have a sibling that'll be thirty years younger than me. I feel old just thinking about it."

Trying to hide a smirk from forming is fruitless. There is no form of contraceptives here other than abstinence. But of course even with that knowledge Snow and her Shepherd would end up with another child without even considering Emma's feelings. The two idiots are more selfish than I could ever try with intent to be. And is Emma really still rambling along?

"I mean don't you miss your nice central heated house, indoor plumbing and electricity. The fireplaces here suck. Your mansion's fireplaces put out more heat."

"How did you go from talking about your abundantly pregnant mother to my non-existent house?"

"You weren't even listening were you, Regina?"

I inhale sharply, "I chose to go for a walk to clear my head. Not be hounded by a babbling blonde."

Emma mock laughs, "That's two blonde jokes. One more and I'll sit on your lap and braid your hair."

"How is that remotely possible?"

"Blonde jokes are meant to imply stupidity, Regina."

"Yes well, you will not be sitting on my lap here in the wilderness regardless if I endeavor to try for an illustrious third quip, Miss Swan."

"Have I told you yet how much I love it when you call me that?"

I pick up the pace again and step over a small fallen tree limb. Maybe Emma will trip over it.

"You know I asked you nearly two months ago if you wanted to try being more than friends." Emma says with a pant because she indeed stumbled over the branch, alas no falling down on her face happened though. "And you won't even let me hold your hand much less anything else. How can you know if there's anything there between us if you don't even want to try out the smallest, simplest thing? So I think that when we find a way back to civilization I'm going to see other people because no one else here interests me."

"What?" I blurt out and stop walking. "You can't be serious."

In less than a second Emma's body brushes up against my shoulder before she steps away, but only marginally. I'm half way ready to ridicule her about the yearning pirate again. But on further reflection I have no wish to drag the mere mention of his slimy essence into our conversation one more time.

"Fuck Regina, if you don't want me then what the hell else am I supposed to do? Pine away after you? I won't do that. In the world I grew up in you...a person is lucky if they find someone that gets them; forget the true love bullshit. How's that even a guarantee that what you have will last? You know nothing lasts forever so to me it just sounds like a recipe for heartache and a sure fire way to drive yourself off the deep end."

I chuckle, "If only your mother could hear you now."

"Oh shut up about her! I'm not her, I'll never be her! I don't want to be her!"

Emma's little outburst is surprisingly pleasant in the sense it was anti-Snow White, that and she may have frightened off any hostile wildlife. But knowing my luck it was more like ringing a dinner bell to call in a ravenous horde.

"Don't worry, dear. I would never mistake you for your mother that is unless you start spouting cheerful nonsense while letting birds nest in your hair."

Emma cocks her head to the side and frowns a little, "She doesn't do that. Does she?"

"Your mother has been spouting all sorts of flowery tripe as long as I've known her and the bird thing is common knowledge. I mean do you really think it's an accident that your father is an animal lover too?"

"You make them sound like 'furries'."

I almost want to laugh because Emma's insinuation about her parents is funny. Snow White and her Prince as sexual perverts would be a tale for the ages. I blame the internet for my knowledge on such a predilection. I spent some time browsing the internet accordingly when it was available for useful matters. But it was also a minefield of human degradation and a person is always one keystroke away from porn. Needless to say I had Henry's computer on the highest privacy settings I could get the damned device to adhere to.

"Miss Swan, I would rather not infect my brain with images of your parents coupling in any way. They do not make brain bleach here."

Emma laughs and I feel my face wanting to give in to a smile but I fight it off. Instead, I roll my eyes at her and start trekking through the snow again. The full moon over head provides a light that manages to break through the near naked treetops, but it's the snow on the ground that makes it seem like a dark daylight. For a second I chuckle because this is the only snow I've successfully been able to walk all over.

"Wow, your hair is really long here, not as long as mine though. But how come you kept it cut off in Storybrooke?"

I honestly fear that if I keep rolling my eyes at the dolt trailing after me I may eventually strain something, and then where will I be?

"Have you just now noticed that inconsequential detail, Emma?" I say without stopping or sparing a look back. "Or are you that easily distracted?"

"You're extra grouchy tonight, today, whatever." I hear Emma grumble before a loud snap follows and then a thud resounds behind me.

The sound of a Savior falling down makes me smile so widely, quickly that my face starts to hurt. But I actually don't want Emma injured so I stop and turn around to see her almost in push-up form, picking herself up off the ground. The snow is so frozen and cold it only leaves dry wisps, like white dirt on Emma's front. I walk over to her and offer her my hand. She looks up at me and those admittedly lovely green eyes are alight with emotions; mostly embarrassment and maybe a tinge of anger too.

"Thanks, but I got this."

"Alright."

Emma picks herself up in a huff and wipes off the front of her outfit, but then she abruptly stops and then seems to stare at something in the distance just off my left shoulder.

"Hey, is it just me or is that a really big door in the middle of the forest?"

I turn around and yes, it's not just Miss Swan's eyesight that may be in question. However, that doesn't change the fact that there is a now door less than ten feet away from us, and since I know my companion all too well I know what's coming next.

"Emma don't."

"Why not? It might be a way back home or at least somewhere better than here."

Blonde idiot. I watch as said idiot tromps through roughly seven inches of snow towards the door. It's blue with yellow royal symbols on it and it was most definitely not there a few minutes ago. A large free-standing door in the middle of woods is not something you just fail to notice.

"Oh, maybe I'll get lucky and meet some hottie I have something in common with who wants me and then we can..."

"Shut up, Miss Swan!" I shout as step in Emma's footprints in the snow.

"What the hell is up your butt?"

I frown and reach out to Emma with my magic before she reaches the door. I suppose to most it looks as though I'm trying to strangle her since the hand gesture is nearly the same. But when I lift the Savior off the ground she lets out a yelp and I end up laughing a little.

"You think this is funny do you? I'll give you something to laugh about when you put me down! Put me down now, Regina!"

"No."

As I slowly float Emma back to me I see her frown deepening. I find that satisfying.

"Put me down, damn it!"

I could hold Miss Swan up in the air for hours. She is nothing like moving some fifty ton boulder because I can.

"Do you really want a woman with a black heart to share not only your son with but your heart, mind and body?"

Emma stops struggling against her invisible bonds. My magic is holding her aloft like a giant hand; secure but not tight enough to hurt her.

"And out the truth comes, finally." Emma says with obvious exasperation. "I should've known that the only way you would make yourself vulnerable would be if you had some kind hold over me. I didn't think it would be literally."

"Answer the question."

"Do you really want the answer, Regina? Or have you already decided what I'm going to say?"

Waiting the Savior out is easy. The woman has less patience than I do and that's really saying something. Emma wriggles her fingers and then I feel her trying to use her magic, but like always in her frustration she looks to me for direction. That in itself was one of many clues that showed me I was headed for a different kind of trouble with Emma Swan; her magic is all too happy to join with mine.

"Yes, I do because I think you're wonderful, Regina." Emma says with gentle determination that almost makes me drop her for a reason other than for a possible laugh. "I want that fierce loyalty you have directed at me. And if it works out between us I really want that deep unending love you have to offer too. I didn't get much of that in my life and I..." She laughs and then a tear runs out of her eye and I track its path to the corner of her lips. "I think you want someone who's willing to accept your past, your flaws, and mistakes. You need the freedom someone like that will want to give you. I can do that if you let me. Loving you wouldn't be hard either. I already pretty much do."

My hand shakes as I lower Emma to the ground. She smiles at me and starts to walk the feet few that I left between us. Her cloak shifts behind her as a brisk breeze blows through the trees. And despite what Emma thinks about my wardrobe I'm warm now. The only part of me that's slightly chilled is my face but I'm not fashioning some form of a ski mask.

"Was that really necessary?"

"I had to make a statement." I say while straightening my posture but it's not as if I were slouching. A lesser mind would call it fidgeting. "And you're fine."

Emma grins, "You think I'm fine, huh?"

"Don't twist my words, Miss Swan."

"You know I held back something else about you." Emma teases with a smile and I raise my eyebrows at her. "I really like that snark of yours too. It's never a dull moment around you."

"So you like it even when I insult you?"

Emma smirks and then stops moving towards me until just a few scant inches are left.

"I get that you care enough to even bother, Regina. Besides you're rude; you can't help it, or at least that's what Zelena said."

I feel my mouth fall open a little but I stop it before it would look as though I'm trying to be a fish of some sort, "So after Zelena came to the conclusion that I had a life no better than her's she's suddenly the authority on me?"

Emma chuckles, "Be glad that she actually wants to be your sister and not some shapely green wicked witch on a broom with a chip on her shoulder."

"Amazing insight, thanks ever so much, Miss Swan." I say but then something that was said dawns on me. "You called my sister 'shapely'. Has she been flirting with you?"

Emma smiles widely and by God I suddenly want to do much more than hold her hand, and by that I mean bodily harm.

"Just making sure you were listening, Regina. But it's true though. You two have different fathers but Zelena's still your sister and you two aren't exactly burdened by fugly genes."

I find it all kinds of pathetic that I want to slap her and then maybe kiss her. I suppose that's to be expected though given who we are to one another.

"Hey, I'm only kidding Regina. I've only talked to her, nothing else." Emma says as she leans in closer to me. "But I have to admit that even though she's green, which doesn't bother me, she has those clear blue eyes and then there's that smooth British, Bond-villainess accent thing going on; cleavage out all over the place. Plus, she's a red hot ginger and you know what they say about those."

"You'd better be joking again." I say while fighting off the urge to kiss the smirk off the idiot in front of me. "Otherwise, the pretty words you said a few minutes ago will mean absolutely nothing to me."

"Your voice is way sexier; a well thought out phrase from you could turn anyone. I think you could read a thesaurus and it would do all sorts of things to me." Emma says lowly as her eyes trace over my face. "And some of the dresses and outfits I've seen you strutting around in; let's just say you have some serious cleavage happening too. But I tell you what, I miss seeing that straining third button on your shirts more than anything."

I will not blush like some pre-tween over Emma's apparent fixation on my dresses and coats daring cuts. I've not worn any of those clothes in guise of gaining her attention; all of them are my old clothes anyway.

"I'm going to ignore what you said about my sister's chest and mine, Miss Swan. Instead, I'm going to focus on how much you enjoy my voice?"

The Savior's high cheekbones color and despite the cold I suddenly feel even warmer than before.

"Yeah, I've always thought so and you if you ever talked dirty to me I would probably 'lose it' if you know what I mean. And that little scar on your upper lip is just, ugh...I really want to kiss it right now."

It's not every day a Queen allows a crude and generally uncouth woman to seduce in her in the woods. Today was apparently that day though without my knowledge, until now of course.

"So do it then, Em-ma."

The Savior groans, "I love it when you say my name like that." She says while biting her lower lip. "But I need your answer first. I've been waiting patiently with no expectations because contrary to what you might think of me, I'm not channeling Hook's insistence for true love declarations now."

"I would never demean you by comparing you to that rum smelling oaf." I say with a smirk as I reach out and touch the fur collar of Emma's cloak. "I prefer to insult you in much more creative and worthy means."

Emma grins and narrows her eyes at me, "Hey, what about that hunk of forest manly-ness? I wasn't kidding when I said it seemed to me that he liked you too."

"Are you trying to sabotage yourself, dear?"

"Nah, just giving you an out if you want one. I meant what I said that forcing myself on you isn't a turn on, it's a huge turn off."

"So you would deny your own wants for my happiness?"

"In a heartbeat." Emma says without hesitation. "But for your information I have much more to offer than him. So I'm secure."

I smile because I can't help myself anymore, "Oh really? And what do you have that he doesn't?"

"Better grooming habits for starters. I think being close to all that scruff would be fine and dandy if a brillo pad is cuddly and something akin to baby soft in your opinion. And let's face it I'm much easier on the eyes; you'll enjoy that benefit on the days when we're fighting like two rats over a block of cheese."

I smirk at her, "Another lovely set of images, what else?"

"I gave you a beautiful boy to call your own. You know the kid is so much like you it's scary sometimes." Emma says and then leans in even closer. My eyes fall shut on their own in anticipation but all I feel next is her forehead touching mine. "I'm glad Henry ended up with you. I get that things went bad between you two when he found out he was adopted, but after everything I think he's blessed to be wanted and loved by you."

I squeeze my eyes tighter together but then an unlicensed sniffle comes out. I'm not going to be able to keep from crying if Emma keeps this up.

"I have magic like you do." Emma says and for a second I forget that she's still listing her desirable qualities to me. "I think that makes us both special and this is the part you're going to hate...fortunate that we found each other."

With a scoff I open my eyes and lightly push on Emma's chest which makes her laugh.

"You're really cute when you get huffy, Regina. But don't make me say what I think when you get really angry."

"And what's that?"

Emma chuckles, "That you're unbelievably hot when you're pissed. I swear after I took that chainsaw to your apple tree I was worried for a few seconds that I was going to end up with less clothes on and you on top of me, which is one of the many reasons I had to bring my mega bitch A-game."

I laugh because at this point it would be hard for me not to. Maybe allowing or rather putting my heart in line of fire again is the only sacrifice I have left that's worthwhile.

"What an active imagination you have, Miss Swan. Is that truly something you want from me?"

"The better question is that something you want? Because I'm not that subtle."

"Very true, dear." I say while allowing myself to blatantly 'check out' the person before me. "And it might not be all that unpleasant to see you...stripped bare."

Emma chuckles again and before I can say anything more to playfully distract her, I feel her hands cradling my face and she leans in again.

"Yes or no, please?"

Something I've been the most unwilling to confront when Emma asked was that there will be no going back for me. Not to speak unkindly about the woman in front of me but she would move on from me quite easily I imagine. She's genuinely young, not preserved from the ravages of time by a curse. However, her heart has been tested as much as mine so maybe I'm being unfair in my assumptions.

I breathe out through my nose while looking into those clear sea-green eyes of Emma's, "Yes, but if my sister flirts with you again I want you to tell me, and then I'll deal with her as I see fit."

"You've got nothing to worry about, Regina. But honestly Zelena does seem like the 'steal your boyfriend' type. I don't know about girlfriends though."

I chuckle darkly but I'm stopped when Emma's lips faintly touch mine. My heart is beating too fast and far too quickly but at the same time it's peaceful. I know for certain now that my blackened, overtaxed heart is in the best and worst kind of jeopardy.


	2. Atrial Flutter

"I can't believe I let you do this to me." Emma says with a difficult to ignore grunting grumble. "My ass hurts."

I laugh freely at my companion due to not only to her words but the absolute sulky expression on her face. Who knew 'courting' could be this much fun. It's rather sad I'm only now finding out this fact so late in my life, for the most part though that was never my fault in my youth anyway.

"Well, I did warn you what I would like to do for recreation here and you insisted on coming along. Spending quality time together; isn't that what you called it? My deepest apologies to your ass though."

"Oh, ha, ha! Lookout, I'm laughing my ass off here."

Who knew I would find Miss Swan's discomfort so amusing? I did of course. But my current peevish company aside, I find riding soothing even if I didn't bother to factor in my affinity for horses. When I cast the protection spell over my castle I worried about my horses. Before enacting the curse, for a while I had contemplated on setting them free, but then they would've almost certainly been destroyed. Instead, they were preserved by the protection spell and my favorite stallion was waiting. I'm pleased to say that he is still as strong as ever.

"How come you got the cool black horse and I'm stuck with this?" Emma says with a pout which prompts me to chuckle; she really does make the most ridiculous faces. "Not that she's bad or anything since she hasn't thrown me off." Emma pats her horse on the neck as if it were a dog. "But she does look like a miniature pony next to your majestic ride...oh, excuse me...mount."

The Savior has unknowingly provided me with untold amusement in the last two hours, as well as in our tumultuous time in Storybrooke, than I've had in more years than I'm going to account for. The small horse I selected for Emma; being she hadn't ridden a day in her life, is a pleasant shade of light brown with a dark brown mane and tail with matching dark brown socks on all four legs.

"I thought Verna would suit you, Miss Swan. Granted, she's no epic fail of yellow deathtrap on wheels with a knocking engine. But it's the best I could do in this realm as far as a mode of transportation for you."

"Verna? Really?" Emma says while making the cutest face I have ever seen. "Hey! You just insulted my Bug! What did she ever do to you?"

"Your Bug, oh not much, but I will say Doc's Miata could pass for a tiny cheap knock-off blue Jaguar if he parked it next to your now absent vehicular beloved."

At Emma's audible gasp I have to put forth my best smirk to keep from laughing. We have crossed the bridge in terms of me acknowledging that I want a relationship with her. But that doesn't mean I have to suddenly act like Miss Swan hung the sun, moon and the stars too. I think that kind of behavior passes its prime once you exceed the age of twelve, or sixteen if you're an aptly titled 'late bloomer'.

"You're right though, dear. Verna isn't the horses name; it's only a ridiculous name humans have bestowed on a child that they claim to love. The horse's name is actually 'La Bruja'." I say while glancing to my right at Emma. "And not to point out the obvious but you do have terrible taste in automobiles."

"Well thank you kindly, Your Majesty for the thoughtful critique. But you might not know this or chose not to acknowledge it, I'm not a dumbass. I do know some Spanish, so please tell me the horse you put me on isn't called a slightly more affectionate version of bitch. I'd rather call her Verna. And as for my car, well, beggars can be choosers because I stole it."

"So out of all the cars you could've chosen you picked that?"

"Hey, enough attacks on my car. I wonder what happened to it anyway."

"It's in a suspended universe with my sleek black Mercedes making it look bad."

Emma rolls her eyes at me, "Does it ever stop snowing in this damn place?"

The flurries have started up again and the dabs of snow are slightly bigger than the fine wisps that blew through no more than thirty minutes ago. But it's a typical afternoon winter day, overcast and cold with flurries peppering around in the air. The sun has no strength this time of year, so even if its rays weren't hidden away by the heavy cloud cover there would still be very little warmth to speak of.

"You would think a Boston native and a person who has lived in Maine for the last few years would be more winterized since New England weather isn't exactly gentle."

"And may I remind you of the time, Madam Mayor, back when you were playing a questionable Magnum P.I. a few years ago. I moved around a lot." Emma says playfully but I glare at her on sheer principal. "And I liked Florida best for a whole lot and the weather there was one of the main reasons."

"Huh, it's been a while since you've called me that. But I'm fairly certain I'm no private investigator with a mustache. I would however take his red Ferrari if it were an option."

"No surprise about the car or that you got the eighties T.V. show reference." Emma says with a chuckle. "And you know you like it when I call you 'Madam Mayor', say it, own it."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Miss Swan."

"Okay, just sit there on your big black stallion. Lying your hot little ass off."

I turn my head to glare at Emma again and she smirks back at me. She's extra feisty today which will undoubtedly lead to somewhat heated activities after dinner this evening. Emma does enjoy sneaking around even though our relationship change is no great secret. The only beings that don't know about us are the rocks in ground and one of Snow's useless dwarf boyfriends, Sleepy.

"Emma, when exactly did I give you the impression that it's acceptable for you to speak to me in such a crass manner?"

The Savior carefully twists sideways in her saddle a bit, "You know I mean no disrespect right. It's just a bit of fun. I thought you liked it, but if you don't I'll stop."

The wind picks up a little and the pine trees lining the road sway in the brisk breeze. Emma shivers a little as the chilled air sweeps her long blonde hair back over both of her shoulders.

"It's fine, Emma. You should know better than anyone that I take delight in verbal jousting. Somedays you're better at it than others though."

Emma smiles, "In that case have I told you how regally hot you look today? I mean I know you own mirrors. But don't get me wrong when I say that you dressed up in that red velvet coat; in this gently falling snow with that cool hat, you know you look better than good right? Never mind you handling that big black horse like it's nothing, you make me look so low rent."

I chuckle and shake my head at the idiot on horseback beside me. If anyone were to ask, I actually did not dress with Emma in mind. But I did dress with the intention of looking my station even though I'm not a Queen anymore per se. Emma's appreciation for my wardrobe choices is merely a personal perk these days. Meanwhile, my horse clears his sinuses. I can tell he was expecting a more invigorating ride, but this will have to do since my companion is an inexperienced rider.

I glance over at Emma and smirk at her, "My coat isn't red velvet, dear."

"Oh pardon me, is it crimson, cerise, carmine? But either way you slice it you are still the hottest badass around, even if your coat's color looks like a big bruise."

"Is that so? Well, how very fortunate for you to know more of the various shades on the color wheel." I say while tightening the reins on my horse to reassure him that I'm in charge. "I suppose the real accolade should be that you didn't refer to the color of my coat as being stained with the blood of peasants who annoyed me."

Emma scoffs, "Only you would say something like that, Regina."

"If you say so, dear."

Emma chuckles and pulls on the reins of her horse. In response to her action, that wasn't for guidance, the animal veers too closely to my horse for a second. I swear I gave her an animal that a child could ride. Although, I wonder how Emma would react if I encouraged her horse to match a more demanding pace with mine. I do enjoy a nice leisurely ride, but every now and then a girl needs to get her pulse racing. I click my tongue and my horse ups his pace to a brisk trot, and within a few seconds I hear the clomps of Emma's horse trying to match my horse.

"Fucking hell!"

"This thing has a mind of its own!"

"Regina!"

I try my best to not smile too much or give to my amusement but it's fruitless. Hearing Emma's random staccato profanities is my eventual undoing.

"You did this!" Emma shouts and I can't help but laugh louder. "Regina, I swear if you make me fall off this horse...you, you can forget about making out with me later."

Her voice is vibrating due to her sitting so flat in the saddle. This is almost as much fun as lobbing fireballs at Snow White would've been back in our quarreling days. Now it would just be sad because the woman is convinced we are friends and I am dating her daughter.

"Okay, I've had...had it! Wh...what's the sign here?"

I pull back on my horses reins and signal him to slow down, "What are talking about?"

"Where do I tap out?" Emma shouts as she bounces past me on her brown mount. "Fucking squirrels after nuts, I want off this ride!"

I haven't laughed this much in my entire life and the sound seems to make Emma smile brighter, during different activities, our current one notwithstanding. Right now I imagine Emma is wearing a frightened scowl like I would proudly glide around in some fabulous Jimmy Choo's. The woman may not be Snow White and I do thank whomever listens the most for that, but Emma does outright beam at times. And I still want to smack her every so often for making me grow fond of that defect of her's.

Emma's brown mare finally slows down and then stops. I urge my horse to casually walk a few more feet until I'm beside the panting former Sheriff of Storybrooke.

"Shit." I hear Emma say under her breath while gripping the reins tighter in her hands. "Okay, now that's over with and taken a year of my life with it. How...how the hell do I turn my crazy brown cow around to go back the long ass way we came?"

I smirk at Emma and I have to acknowledge that her long blonde hair looks quite fetching wind tousled with flecks of snowflakes sparsely nestled in it.

"We can transport back magically if you're in a hurry. It will be good practice for you."

"Say what now?" Emma says somewhat breathlessly. "Regina, I can't make a whole horse do the Star Trek thing too. I'll be doing good if I can poof myself back."

The Savior is rather hapless and suppose that has a certain charm in itself but I will never fall victim to willingly. I don't think I need to.

"And I had such high hopes, Miss Swan. Oh well, I'll see you in about two hours, give or take thirty minutes then."

"Hey wait, just hold up a second. I'll try and no that isn't your cue to quote Yoda speak back to me."

"Why on earth would I demote myself to referring to everything magic related in science fiction nerd terms, Miss Swan?"

"You know calling me 'Miss Swan' in your uptight, rules with a flaming-iron-fist-mayor-way isn't going to distract me."

"Should I start saying it the sexy way instead?"

Emma makes a face and then closes her eyes. I find that her concentration face is amusingly cute. I will never admit that out loud of course, even if I were forced to endure watching Snow and her Shepherd cuddling while birds and other forms of wildlife flocked around them.

"You know the air is so different here, Regina. Sometimes I feel like I'm about to be smothered by my magic."

I agree; my own magic felt foreign again when we arrived back here, but only in the sense that I haven't had this much power at my disposal in over thirty years. In Storybrook, after magic returned, my magic was muted down several degrees and it felt like it was just out of my reach. Looking back now, I find it fitting that Emma had to be the one to jumpstart it to an extent. Who would've guessed that the most hated, feared Queen would also be saved along with everyone else?

"You know we could do that sometime too." Emma says while cracking her eyes open to look directly at me. "Do magic together, you could teach me to control my magic, use it?"

"What a fun date that will no doubt be since the Neverland lessons were such a rousing success."

"We weren't dating in Neverland." Emma says as I watch her move her neck to the right until it loudly pops. "Uh, that's better...and hey, did you skip the whole getting up on the wrong side of the bed thing this morning and just hit the floor instead?"

"What cutting razor sharp wit. And technically we're not dating now, Emma."

"Excuse me, Your Majesty. Does courting sound better? I mean since we can't go to nice restaurants, see a movie or rent an uppity hotel room and spend the weekend without any clothes on and live off room service."

"Should I be thankful that your idea of dating in the modern world is not possible here, seeing as how you just gave me a glimpse on your preferred habits?"

Emma mumbles under her breath and then closes her eyes again. I do enjoy aggravating her. Honestly, I wouldn't be opposed to any of her suggestions really. But I still see no reason to be easy on her for the sake of romance; I'm hardly the blushing young girl I used to be. Besides, I've grown far too accustomed to verbally sparring with The Savior to stop now. And by God, if Emma's magic were any slower one would think it was more a combination of molasses, cement and turtle magic instead of light.

"It's magic not quantum mechanics theory, dear. You don't need to overthink it or look as though you're about to have a brain aneurysm. Just focus and use your emotions; it's not complicated unless you make it that way."

I can almost hear Emma gritting her teeth but she still doesn't open her eyes. And after another minute, minus any sort of fanfare, an off-white smoke starts to form and eventually it envelopes The Savior and her stout brown mare. It's about damn time. My own purple smoke works much faster and when I blink my eyes I'm just in front of the stables main entrance. After another second the brown horse and The Savior arrives intact, but to my unexpected delight Emma's sitting in the saddle facing backwards now.

"Are you kidding me?"

Emma's voice is higher than usual and my horse snorts in amusement or at least that's what it sounded like to me.

"Useless! I swear my magic is useless! All it really likes to do is embarrass me or finally kick in to save my life at the last possible second."

"Did I or did I not tell you not to cross that old rope bridge, dear?"

"Nag, nag, nag." Emma huffs under her breath as she turns in the saddle and faces forward.

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to."

I will admit my satisfaction thus far in our modified relationship. If I were to be completely honest I enjoyed the push and pull from the very beginning, only now there is no real bite to our exchanges and I find I don't miss that aspect too much. Eventually though, I imagine we will succumb to the underlying sexual tension that sometimes behaves almost like a hair trigger on a gun between us. I look forward to that moment but regardless of where it starts, I will not allow things to progress further in any place other than a proper bed for the first time.

"Hey, you got quiet on me again and I was just thinking or maybe hoping that you're not going to let them; my parents I mean, do the Dark Curse again are you?"

Dealing with Un-Charming's these days has gotten interesting to say the least. And if this were the modern world I would have to carry around one of those airplane sickness bags considering how much time I've been forced to spend with Snow and her Shepherd.

"I've tried my best to harass and degrade them but they're deliriously stubborn, dear."

"There has to be another way to get back Storybrooke or back to that realm, whatever."

"There isn't." I say and then urge my horse forward towards the stable's large open doors. The Savior's horse follows suit after mine. "Unless you know someone who is a closeted bean hoarder or you feel like climbing up a certain beanstalk again?"

"If only David hadn't destroyed the hat." Emma says rather sullenly. "Every day it's starting to look a little more like we're stuck here, permanently."

I can easily recall Snow's soft Shepherd throwing himself on the hat as though it was a grenade and that it was to be his last heroic act. It goes without saying that I found his impulse moronic and counterproductive. Emma's hopelessness is tangible right now. I know this place really has nothing to offer her. Perhaps the curse did her a favor in the sense it provided her with a purpose beyond what she was written in it to be. Emma is a product of the modern world and no amount of time will erase that.

"You know what; I can take it here if I have to." Emma says while running her gloved hand through her horse's thick dark mane near her grip at the saddle, as she urges her horse to stop. "But it'll be easier if you're with me."

I'm on the verge of trying to soften the blow of being stuck here until we wither and die, but at the moment watching Emma try to dismount her horse is distracting. After her magic turned her around the wrong way in her saddle, she then neglected to put her feet back in the stirrups when she righted herself. Emma's choice for riding boots is decidedly nontraditional; they're still knee high, but instead of laces there are several modern looking straps and buckles. I wonder where she got those from?

"Regina, I..." Emma starts as she gets one foot back in the stirrup and twists her body, but then her voice trails off in a high-pitched squeal of sorts and she hits the ground.

It happened so quickly and I must say in the aftermath Emma's horse doesn't seem the least bit phased to have a saddle hanging down under its stomach. My best guess as of now is that Emma's saddle wasn't tightened properly and when she put all of her weight on one side it finally slipped and took her with it. Or her magic really is out to get her. I'm trying my best not to laugh too much, but every time I imagine the ridiculous expression that was on her face it gets that much more difficult.

"Perfect." Emma says in a surprisingly calm manner as she lies on the ground. "Shit on it and then fuck it."

"Please tell me you kiss you mother with that mouth." I say while dismounting my horse which he then follows after me without being prompted. "A profane Snow White could be fun and maybe you will infect some of that headache inducing sweetness out if her."

I walk over to where Emma lies on the ground and I offer her my hand, "You should also know I'm convinced that Snow White is to blame for the existence of diabetes."

Emma rolls her eyes at me and sighs loudly. I've stopped trying to hide my amusement since this really has been a memorable afternoon.

"I can see it's killing you, so laugh. Go on, do it." Emma says and then makes a face, but this time she does accept my assistance. "And don't bother trying to deny it. I can see your face just fine from this angle."

I chuckle, "It was rather funny, dear. I've never seen that happen to a rider before, but having said that you should still be thankful you didn't fall into any horse apples."

"What's a horse apple?" Emma says with a wry smirk while she gets to her feet with my help.

I regret that I can't really feel the softness or warmth of her hand through my gloves, but she does continue to hold my hand tightly even though it has nothing to do with me providing her with a steady leverage anymore. With my free hand I reach out and pluck a few bits of stray hay straw that was on the ground out of Emma's hair. I notice that it's almost as golden as her hair before I flick it back to the ground.

"It's a polite term for their dried shit."

"Nice, great. Good thing there's silver lining after all."

I chuckle as Emma tries none too subtlely to look around the stable grounds to see if anyone else witnessed her spill. My money is on the fact that everyone saw and half the castle already knows by now.

"If you need an ego boost, you should know that your mother was also hopeless with horses. In fact I believe she would be better off saddling an ostrich, being that they are a type of bird large enough to be ridden."

Emma smiles at me and then gently lets go of my hand, "There must be something about me and Mary Margaret that just fuels your sass tank."

I smirk at Emma but something doesn't sit well with me just now and for the longest time I could've cared less. In fact I wouldn't say I suddenly care, but I do have to make an effort even if it's only for appearances. Or at least that's what I tell myself to get by these days around a certain pair of matched idiots.

"Why do you still call her by that name?" I ask while I reach for the reins to Emma's horse, but the blonde dolt snatches them away from me. "I'm of course referring to your mother."

Emma frowns a little and then shrugs. For moment it looks like I'm going to get an answer but then she seems to change her mind for a second before she changes it again.

"Look, I don't feel comfortable calling her mom just yet all the time. It's weird. Almost as weird as calling or even thinking of her as Snow White, and let's not forget I'm a grown adult who's the same age as said mother."

Both of our horses reach down at almost the same time to nibble at the short, dying and barely green grass and the sparse hay straws that habitually fall out when it's moved. I've become all too aware that if I'm going to have a proper relationship with Emma that will last; we are going to face one of the most difficult subjects and issues that go with it. But that doesn't mean I have to rejoice about that revelation. Instead, I take a deep but quiet breath and then exhale slowly.

"Hey, no, you've gone quiet on me again. I didn't say that to put a damper on our day. I'm just talking to you with no hidden agenda. I swear."

I pull on my horse's reins and he picks his head up with a dissatisfied snort to me for ending his sparse grazing.

"Emma, I'm sorry that the curse robbed you of the life you might have had." I say while meeting those eyes of her's that are so very green right now. "I could've made different choices in some of my worst years if I'd been reasonable. But after having so many things taken from me; free will and all, it left me with nothing but anger, rage. I wanted all those accountable to suffer as I had. I wanted people to know a fraction of what it felt like to be me."

Some things are meant to be left unsaid and in the same token some things can never be forgiven. I've considered reaching into my chest and pulling out my heart to show it to the woman who's said she has deep feelings for me. I wonder what Emma would think if she held the dark, pulsing organ in her hand. Would it shock some sense into her? Would she see it for what it really is?

Emma moves closer to me and holds my gaze, "I know and thank you for the apology. You know, me and the kid read your story and then Mary Margaret told some of the parts that the damn book left out." I watch those eyes shift in color; a play on the daylight, and now they're a blue-green. "And that's one of the reasons why I didn't want to escape Pan's curse or whoever it belongs to. I stayed, me and Henry stayed for you. I couldn't leave you and take Henry with me and then forget you, like you wanted for some reason, just have everything washed away like it never existed. That day hearing you say those things, it was tearing me up about as bad as you were coming apart. I couldn't just stand by and take the easy way out, that's bullshit, and our kid didn't deserve to lose all his parents but one."

Some parts of me refuses at times to embrace Emma's belief in me. Granted, she has faltered in her belief almost as many times as I've tripped over my own two feet while trying to find a better path. I wonder on the odd occasion if I hadn't been so antagonistic would things have progressed differently. I also catch myself thinking about if Emma had grown up here with her parents would she have been satisfied with her life here. I now know that the answer is a resounding no. My life here wasn't fulfilling.

And to my almost mortification I feel that our conversation has strayed into something that was meant to be private. So in my barely concealed nervousness I simply offer Emma a small smile that I'm sure does nothing to mask the tears that have collected in my eyes.

"Hey, just so you know hot, badass Queens don't cry. Do they?"

I scoff and urge my horse to start walking with me. Emma smirks and rolls her eyes but she quickly follows in step beside me with her horse trailing just behind her. I know Emma came with me this afternoon for more than just my company. Castle life isn't appealing to her in any real way. My first treat just after we arrived was when I heard Emma threaten her mother if she came anywhere near her with a pink, poufy dress. If in fact it turns out that we truly are up the creek with no damn paddle; in terms of getting back to Storybrooke or some other place in that realm, then I fear Emma is going to need something to give her life purpose.

"Listen, I'm aware that you're bored here so I wonder if anyone has told you that we have Sheriff's here too." I say as we walk our horses through the stable entranceway side by side. "I don't see why anyone would object to the idea and if they did I would wager that I could remedy that."

"I appreciate the thought and I'll jump off that bridge when we get to it, if we can't get back that is. But right now to me that job would mean more running around on these four-legged glue factory's."

Emma waggles her horse's reins in her hand for added effect until the metal links clink.

"Well then, I'm truly sorry we do not have Volkswagen dealerships in this land. But even if such a thing existed here I would keep you the hell away from it."

"You do know my Bug is German made just like your precious Merc, right?"

"Shut up, Emma."

As we enter the hallway the stable hand, who is an older man that I don't recognize comes to collect Emma's horse first, but then he stops, stares and then it becomes all too apparent when he sees where the saddle is on the horse or more accurately where it isn't. Emma just silently hands the tall grey-haired man the reins to her horse's bridle. The man smirks and shakes his head before he leads the dark brown mare away. My black stallion steps closer to Emma and then softly nudges her in the shoulder. She looks startled for a second but it passes and something else takes its place.

"Hey, how come your horse has that fancy black leather strap thingy across its chest? If I'd had that on mine I wouldn't have ended up on my ass or with the saddle hanging under the horse like some oversized nutsack."

I laugh loudly and then Emma does too. The woman is crude at times but the again it's just the two of us and I'm far from offended. In fact I think it's been far too long since I've imbibed in tasting a certain Swan's lips. The stable hand returns to collect my horse as well and I fondly stroke his mane before leaving him. Emma falls into step right beside me and I think today really has been wonderful in different ways. I'm in such a good mood, even in face of difficult topics, and I have been for a while now, more so than ever to be perfectly honest.

"I suppose since you fell off your mount in the end my kissing privileges have been revoked as promised?"

"You wish. I mean don't you know an empty threat when you hear one, Regina?"

"From you? Always. But I saw you eat a large lunch and a healthy dose of onions were present, so perhaps it's a good thing that I'm not allowed to kiss you now."

"Are you shitting me?" Emma says and it's rather entertaining on how wide her eyes get in some instances. "And I don't have some rank onion breath, thank you very little."

I smirk, "You prodded me for this kind of attention, Miss Swan. Did someone never tell you to be careful what you ask for?"

"I always heard it was wishes."

"Do you see a lamp? Because I don't grant wishes, dear."

The blonde idiot beside me only scoffs and then links her arm through mine as we walk down the main hallway in the stables. Loose shocks of hay lie along the sides of each stall and the strong smell of the summer cured clover hay fills the air, which provides an earthy cover over the less pleasing scents in the air.

"Hey, I have something else to confess that I like about you."

"And what's that, Miss Swan?"

"Getting you all riled up has always been fun for me. Except for the time you punched me in the face; you've got a damn good right hook."

A simple phrase can bring back so many memories. I would prefer to never talk about Graham with Emma. I don't need to relive my mistake; of how I used another human being the way I was used from time to time. My actions would've at least been somewhat forgivable had I not taken his heart and removed his free will.

"You know I didn't bring that up to make you...I mean Regina." Emma sighs and then I feel her fingers interlocking with mine. "We don't have to talk about Graham. I don't want to either. But I'm going to say this one time to get it out of the way; he came onto me and I said no plenty of times, until I didn't and that was the night he died. I know now it would've been another mistake of mine if he were alive today."

I don't know what to say or if there is anything I want to add. My life has only recently become my own and I feel like I've woken up from a long nightmare. We walk in silence through the stables until we're back at the main entrance and the early evening clouds are finally allowing a few beams of light to pass after holding them back for most of the day.

"Okay, this silent treatment isn't working for me so...how about I let you make fun of my clothes today?"

I smile and how could I not when it appears that I've gotten to know someone, who despite it all, cares about me in all the right ways. I won't be self-deprecating and say I don't deserve it; being deserving has nothing to do with it. Emma made her choice and I've made mine.

"Let me? Why would I waste my time doing that again, dear? You wouldn't pay any attention to helpful suggestions anyway."

"I'm not going to let you start dressing me, Regina."

"Someone should."

"Hey!"

If I were to be direct with Emma about her appearance I would tell her that she is the female embodiment of her father, but that the effect is dulled by the added flaws of Snow's conflicting eye color and chin. Emma and David dress somewhat alike in this realm; it's mostly preference of the long cloaks with fur around the collar, but there are other similarities. The most glaring is their shared hair color and the way they both carry themselves. I suppose I might breakdown on my death bed and thank David for creating a person like Emma. My gratitude will not include Snow though; she doesn't need the gleeful monstrosity that resides in her to be unleashed any further.

"I just bet you'd love to see me in a corset though wouldn't you?" Emma says with a coy smirk and for a second I allow myself to envision her in such an uncomfortable but albeit breast enhancing entrapment. "Honestly, I can think of better a way to get my tits out for you."

I involuntarily suck in a sharp breath, "Miss Swan, are you that eager to take this thing between us to another level? Because I'm rather enjoying things as they are. I'm in no rush; I'm no oversexed buffoon and this isn't a fling. I prefer to wait."

Emma sighs, "Regina, seeing my girls doesn't mean we have to go all the way. And not that I don't like the way you kiss me, but I would like it even better if you felt me up a little next time. You've got me afraid to even touch yours. I keep thinking you'll curse me to have bad breath forever or something, if I let my hands stray too far from your waist or your shoulders into forbidden territory."

"Is that so? Well, I'm sorry I've made you feel that way, but I'm not going to apologize for what I'm about to do, Emma."

"Oh yeah and what's that, Madam Mayor?"

My response forces a gasp from Emma; not a startled one but one caused by desire. I'm amazed at how quickly the tinder between us ignites with barely any effort. I'm also still adjusting to being able to do this when no one is looking or simply finding a quiet moment to indulge. The setting was just right for me to pull Emma aside or more accurately behind the main doors of the stable that had been pushed open for the day. The dim secluded corner seems to welcome us both and instead of wasting one more breath to fire off a clever retort I lean in quickly and cover Emma's lips with mine, and since she requested it my hands go straight to her breasts.

"Shit." Emma groans into our kiss. "You sure don't waste time."

I smirk against her lips, "I'm giving you what you asked for. Mind you, it's not that I haven't wanted to touch your breasts. I was waiting for you to ask, because I'm not interested in behaving as though I'm entitled anymore."

"You're entitled now as far as I'm concerned." Emma says in a low breath while she moves back in to kiss me. "You can touch me anywhere you want."

Our kisses lately have gradually moved into heated territory. And it's the kind of kisses that leaves you gasping for air as if you're trying to find your dying breath. Emma moans and then her hands move up slightly from their familiar spot on my waist until I feel them brush the sides of my breasts. I need to pull away soon since this way only meant to be a taste; a sample to get by until later. But between my hands current placement and Emma's tongue moving against mine I'm finding that my one good reason for stopping is beginning to make less sense with each passing second. The little sounds Emma makes are so delicious. I eat them up every time we kiss.

I'm not an exhibitionist, even though we're doing this in a public setting, therefore I know that the slick warmth I feel increasing between my legs is all Emma's fault. I only admitted that to her recently after she told me how close she was after dinner the other night, and all I had been doing was slightly rubbing my thigh against hers under the long, covered dining table. It wasn't a formal dinner, just Emma and I along with Abigail and Frederick. No matter what anyone says or what I might say I would never behave that way in front of the two idiots. I can only imagine the looks of horror on their faces, which I would relish in, but I have no wish to debase Emma in such a way.

My thoughts and my unconscious actions are stolen away from me when I feel Emma grinding down on my thigh. I certainly don't recall when I moved it between her legs. She jerks against me and moans and then I feel her hands grasping my breasts over my riding coat. With one last gesture of intent I move my mouth off of hers and kiss down her throat, before I leave one last kiss right where her cleavage begins; her neckline is much more modest than mine.

"That's enough for now." I say while trying not to sound too breathy and I know I failed in that regard.

Emma groans and then makes another sound of protest when I take my thigh out from between her legs.

"Yeah, sure." The Savior says as she wipes her mouth with her thumb, which is wonderfully smeared with my lipstick. It's a good color on her. "That was just...wow."

I chuckle while adjusting Emma's riding coat to make her more presentable and then myself.

"Hold up, your hat's a little crooked."

I very much doubt that but I'll let Emma fuss over me a little, it's painless after all and no one is watching or they had better not be. Within a few minutes Emma leads us out from behind the stable's large propped open door. The air has gotten colder and more flurries are being harzardly cast around by the breezes.

"Say what was that horse's name you put me on?" Emma says as she links her arm with mine once more. "I know you were messing with me, so tell me what the real one is?"

"Myrtle"

"Aww, come on?"

"Dottie."

"Seriously, Regina."

"Gladice? Millicent? Wait, I remember now, perhaps it's Ethel or was it Beatrice?"

Emma abruptly brings us to a halt, "Fine, have it your way." She says sounding rather petulant while unlinking her arm from mine. "Don't tell me then, see if I care. Continue on with your geriatric roll call."

The woman who has become my companion stalks ahead of me and the view makes me smile, for the simple fact that Emma Swan has a fantastic ass that looks even better in tight black riding pants. I asked her to forego her cloak during the ride and instead wear a nice warm, but short riding coat in a flattering shade of charcoal. So much for Emma's saying that she wouldn't let me dress her because she already is, even if she's not willing to admit it and I expect no less at this point in our relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "Mary Had a Little Lamb" by Stevie Ray Vaughan & Double Trouble, "Killer Queen" by Queen, "The Modern Age" by The Strokes
> 
> Odd Bit: The reference to Emma's 'butch medieval Barbie' look is from the picture of said person that's showcased on the inside of the S4 DVD case. Btw, Emma's horse can be named whatever you want it to be.


	3. Atrial Fibrillation

A change of scenery is an outright requirement even though it's a futile attempt so far. I'm trying to enjoy looking out the window at the snow covered trees and mountains and find it serene. This is actually the only time I've felt the urge to try to appreciate the view my former and current fortress provides. My history of forlorn calamity put a damper on a great many things. Aside from tending to my apple tree in the private courtyard I never cared much for the rest of my surroundings. But today after over two hours of listening to Snow White drone on to her little hive; the sound of her shrill, birdsong voice has given me an appropriately annoying headache.

However, the day is still young though, possibly salvageable, because when I woke up this morning I had a different plan, and a far better way to spend my time after breakfast. Plans changed though when Snow came bursting through my chamber doors, after I had just dressed for the day or she would've gotten more than she bargained for. Shock and awe would have been the best I could hope for these days in regards to my favorite naive little princess. But that plan was shot to hell when Snow barely batted an eye, or even so much gasped frightfully when Emma announced the drastic change in our relationship. I had hoped for an idle threat at the very least from one or both of the idiots but that didn't happen.

Back to this morning though, the normally petite woman but now robust by pregnancy was clad in white window dressing in my estimation asked that I be present for another fruitless waste of time otherwise known as a council meeting. For a moment after my third or fourth dismissal that Snow gleefully ignored, I half expected her to search my room to see if I had stashed Emma somewhere. But my relationship with The Savior has not progressed that far. If Emma had been present I wouldn't have hid her, merely suggested that she either put some clothes on or stay under the covers. I wonder if I had insinuated such a scandalous thing in front of Snow White would she have gone into labor?

"Whoa."

The sound of Emma's vocal appreciation extorts a smile from me and my headache automatically seems to lessen, and despite how awfully maudlin that sounds in my thoughts, I'll take an imagined Savior proximity pain relief since aspirin isn't available in this realm.

"That's not much of a greeting for a person, Emma. A horse perhaps." I say while turning away from the whiteout view that is framed by the distorted thick-glass window. "But I guess I should be used to that personality tick of yours by now."

Emma walks further in the hall towards me with a smirk on her face and a slight blush on her cheeks that are most likely from the cold. A person would have to be stone deaf to miss the sounds of the winter squall-like wind whistling around the castle walls. That and I can't be the sole cause of the Savior's rosy cheeks, not yet anyway, but if I am I'll stake my claim to that victory soon enough. The sound of Emma's boots carry through the room; not quite heavy steps but sure-footed. She's wearing those stylish black boots with the straps that I know she had to have used magic to create. The slight jingle of the buckles and zippers along with the faint squeak of fine leather add color to the cadence of the inch and half heel on Emma's black knee-high boots.

"Well, I'm glad you've gotten comfortable with that part of me. Because I think I'd be well within my rights to tell you, you can't go out dressed like that anymore." Emma says as she comes to stand in front of me and her sea-green eyes do an exaggerated slow track over my form. But oddly enough not at all in a way that would suggest I'm being objectified. "I'm the only one around but, seriously good fucking gawd woman, are you trying to induce spontaneous arousal on anyone with working eyes?"

I dressed with Emma in mind today plain and simple. There I've admitted it to myself, when it mattered, and when it was all too true. And I've heard that's the first step in identifying you have a problem. I don't consider my desire for Emma's attention a problem thus far. So I'm going to justify my actions based on the fact that Emma has been gone for six days, that and she promised she would be back today.

"What exactly is wrong with my dress, Em-ma?"

Emma gapes for a second before she remembers to close her mouth, "Not a whole lot. Unless you're trying to top Charlize Theron's E-Queen. Because if you've not seen that sight let me set you straight; she threw down and celebrated all naked with a crown style." She says all wide eyes and a growing smirk while fidgeting with the ties to her dark red cloak. "Huh, I wonder how they'll beat that if they do a sequel or whatever?"

I chuckle darkly and the effect it has on Emma is beyond pleasing; a poorly suppressed shiver, that is accompanied by a delightful blush which colors her high cheekbones again. I chose to wear perhaps one of the most daring of my old dresses. A rather decadent garment since I knew I wouldn't be leaving the castle today. I don't really care for the movie reference for a plethora of reasons but I have in fact seen it. However, I find that watching Emma, who is trying and failing rather spectacularly, to keep from staring at every inch of me in random succession far more entertaining.

"What the hell is that dress even made of, Regina? It kinda looks like some mix between a black and a dark green scales deal; iridescent almost, but the color isn't the part that demands the most attention."

Flirting with Emma is a highly pleasant activity and sorely needed as of late. The bandit turned schoolmarm formerly known as Mary Margaret the loud and proud sheep herder aficionado tried her best this morning to get the rabble of a council to force me to magically remove her Charming-not-an-actual-Prince's heart. I refused again and for the first time in in quite a while I was glad that The Savior was otherwise occupied and thankfully absent.

"And what pray tell draws the eye then, Em-ma?"

"Uh."

"Oh come now, dear. Use your words."

The lowest form of wit isn't sarcasm in my mind, it's the employment of a well-placed double entendre. I only opted to stoop to such depths for a tad more personal amusement and it was worth every penny. An open-mouthed, wordless, mute, tongue-tied Swan is like living abstract art for dummies.

"Uh...it's...oh, wow. Heh, shit. It should be illegal for you to look the way you do." Emma says and then licks her lips but her expressive face changes from one of a simple type of bumbling charm to one of dare I say intent. "Your dress; it's missing a huge panel of fabric over the majority of your boobs. Instead you got this wide, plunging gap that just barely stops at your bellybutton and shows more of the girls than it covers." She moves closer to me and I hold her gaze but I almost falter when I faintly feel the cool tips of fingers touch the section of my dress that's deliberately absent. "And it's so damn tight across your chest that it doesn't leave a damn thing to the imagination."

Emma does enjoy flirting too and I adore her clumsy attempts at seduction. But if she honestly thinks I'm going to do God knows what on the round table her parents and the other members of the circle jerk of morons were occupying not twenty minutes ago then she had better get another thought in that pretty blonde head of hers. My dress was meant to tease her, not say: 'let's drop and do it five times real fast.' I've made up my mind and I'm unmovable about our first time being in private and on a bed. I've chosen to wait because what I want will take time and I'm not in desperate need of something quick.

I step away from Emma with an indulgent smirk. The Savior looks downright edible today in her black leather pants and a light grey tunic; she has unknowingly allowed me to add some dress sense to her ensemble. I'm the one who made sure that Emma took a change of clothes with her on her journey.

"By the way dear, I saw the pirate pouting as he saddled up a horse yesterday at the stables. It looked like he was leaving for good. I almost sincerely wished him good riddance but I didn't since goodbyes are difficult for me."

Emma scoffs and turns towards the chairs around the table and then lays her forearms over the high back of the chair her father occupied earlier. It's a round table but Snow and her Shepherd sat in the two most ornate seats. I don't care for position, I never have really, but at Snow's insistence I also sat in an equally ornate seat at this round table. Sometimes, I do silently humor the meddling woman to save my ears because Snow White is a natural irritant that's hard to eradicate.

"Yeah, I guess Killian finally picked up on the mountain of clues that shouted: 'I'm not interested'. Or did you have something to do with that?"

I arch an eyebrow at Emma, "Although, I do owe the morally bankrupt Captain of eyeliner and rum-soaked lust a reprisal. I assure you I haven't said so much as two words to him."

"Reprisal?"

Another issue I have yet to discuss with Emma. The question though is should I gloss over some parts of the story or come forward with the entire ugly truth.

"The man who would be the perfect spokesman for a brand of bargain-bin priced rum was involved in my capture by the same two people who kidnapped our son."

"Greg and Tamara. Hook was a part of that?"

"Yes, Miss Swan so don't stand there and pretend you're surprised."

Emma opens and closes her mouth as if to voice a protest but she doesn't. I know her parents in an all too predictable fashion had lauded the pirate as a good person but that's bullshit. Perhaps, now the two idiots will learn to screen better. I won't hold my breath though while not waiting for them to make that long overdue breakthrough.

"Hook was even helpful enough to help them strap me down on the stretcher so I could be electrocuted." I say as move closer to where Emma is slouched against the back of her father's chair. "You should have seen him preening over me; like he had accomplished some feat worthy of gloating, and he was awfully close to molesting me with that hook of his. Had he touched me with that fishhook he uses as a hand I would've incinerated his first mate. And by first mate I mean the one in his pants."

Emma chuckles lowly and removes her arms off her chosen leaning perch, "You really hate Hook don't you?"

I shrug minutely, "I'd say you dodged something that would've required some type of ointment or pill if you hadn't thrown back your swashbuckling catch of the day."

Emma rolls her eyes, "You two have more history than just what happened in Storybrooke, don't you? And it seemed to me like Hook doesn't have much love for you either."

I have so many caustic retorts that I could dole out; mostly ones mock-praising her detective skills. But I have no need to be overly confrontational with Emma anymore.

"Of course we have history but it's mostly to do with my mother, and one of his many attempts on Belle's life." I say as I step close to Emma as I've always done. Only now I can do more intimate things than just invade her personal space as a means to project power and get her to back down. "And as for any other feelings of extreme dislike Hook may have against me the feeling is mutual. But it's not like our recent rivalry is because I denied him free handicapped parking for his dingy in Storybrooke's harbor."

Emma closes her eyes and tries not to smile. I can tell that's what she's trying not to do, until she opens her eyes and abandons her futile effort. The Savior has a thoroughly stunning smile.

"You know of all the things that I grew to like about you that mouth of yours was the first." Emma says so quietly that for a moment it feels like she's sharing something not meant for prying ears. "I like the back and forth we have. It's never been boring and it still isn't. Even though I retired my chainsaw but now you can call up a fireball anytime you damn well please."

"You have magic too, dear and quite powerful at that."

"I know. But it's still new to me and I've barely used it."

"That's not true." I say while reaching for Emma's hands which she gladly offers. "How do you think you managed to come back here with the rest of us? How do you think that our son was able to be brought here when he wasn't born in this realm like you and I were?"

Emma seems to be at a loss for words and I would be too if I were just coming into my magic like she is. I do remember my youth vividly; my lost innocence, but I still wouldn't trade my hard won wisdom for its return.

"I need to show you something." I say before letting go of Emma's hands to move one of mine over my heart. "I've thought about this since you badgered me in the forest for an answer."

Emma looks down at my admittedly nearly bare chest and swallows, "What are you doing?"

"Nothing as forward as what you're no doubt thinking, dear."

With no pause for drama I plunge my hand into my chest. Emma gasps at about the same time as my fingers enclose around the very organ that has caused me so much pain. My heart also bears all the scars of my revenge and every price I've ever paid. After taking a shallow breath I pull my heart out of my chest.

"Shit Regina!"

Of the few times I've removed this useful yet troublesome mass of tissue an instant numbness follows shortly thereafter. But this time it's different; my emotions feel so barren, and I blame the fact that Emma makes me feel so much lately.

"It's lighter than the last time I removed it." I say while examining the black-streaked life-force that has much more red pushing around the swirling dark strands than before. "It's redder and slightly larger too."

As I turn my heart over in both of my hands; holding it as though it were a some oversized precious gemstone, I can't help but feel some fleeting stir of dread. This isn't how I planned to do this.

"Wait, when was the last time you ripped your own heart out?"

"Neverland and then I offered it to Tinkerbell to crush."

"You did what!"

I have no wish to tell Emma about the whole soulmate mess. I've moved past it and I think it's irrelevant now that I've found someone who compliments me in every way. Emma and I are alike in as many ways as we are different and I've known that for some time now. In fact I think our rocky beginning is a befitting part of our story that is if someone is in fact still writing mine.

"Tinkerbell blames me for losing her wings and then being thrown out of Blue's good graces." I say while contemplating my next course of action, which is offering the Savior my heart. "I did choose to shoulder some of the blame for a time but then I thought better of it after she decided not to crush my little black heart back in Neverland."

Emma tilts her head to the side and smiles at me, "Are you actually going to tell me about your complicated history with Tinkerbell after all?"

"I decided that Tinkerbell came to me during a dark part of my life with an answer that would've only brought more problems." I say while mildly glaring at Emma which only makes her smile more. "In the interest of brevity, the worst fairy in history thought the answer to my unhappiness was to run off with another man while I was married to the King."

Emma's smile dims but at the same time she reaches out and covers my hands and heart with hers. All at once I feel her magic pulse through my heart even though it's removed from me; I still feel warmth and a sense of peace growing within my chest.

"Had I followed Tinkerbell's guidance I would've been executed but more than that, despite my unhappiness of being trapped, I would've been made into an adulterer." I take a deep breath and meet Emma's sea green gaze. "Running off with a strange man wasn't the answer, not to mention how stupid it sounds to me now. All I've ever wanted was freedom and having someone making my choices for me isn't freedom."

A minute, maybe less passes in near silence. The only sounds in the room is the quiet lull of our combined breathing, my beating heart and the whistle of the bitter winter wind squealing at the walls and windows. Today has been nothing but blustery and frigid.

"Fuck that fairy and the pixie dust she flew in on." Emma says as she moves one of her hands off my heart only to smooth her hand along my cheek. "I think she sucks anyway with all her high and mighty garbage. Maybe she was well on her way to losing her wings before she even barged into your life."

"Tinkerbell did save my life, Emma."

"Elaborate please?"

"It was a terrible day like usual." I say my heart hiccups out a lonely sounding thump in my hand. Having a long memory is a curse in itself. "Then Rumpelstiltskin came by to be condescendingly plucky about me missing a lesson. Afterwords I went out on to the balcony in my bedroom and I leaned against the railing; it gave way and I fell."

"So you would've died?" Emma says as her thumb starts to draw across my heart, while her other hand gently cradles my cheek. "By accident, right?"

"I don't know. I had my own magic which as you've noticed tends to protect its owner, whether it's light or dark doesn't matter." I say with only the faintest tremble in my voice because Emma has started to caress my heart. "I think Tinkerbell felt entirely too much pity for me but at the same time I liked having someone to ridicule your mother to. And I wasn't even twenty yet."

"Christ, you were too young for all that shit, Regina. And it sounds to me like you were locked up when you were a kid too."

"Essentially. And before all that, I learned that not all cells come equipped with bars."

I haven't dared to look up at Emma. I've mostly been mesmerized by the sight of my heart and the subtle twitch of her thumb moving over it in our shared hold. But then Emma's hand on my cheek moves or rather gently directs. In that instance I'm met with green eyes that are shimmering with tears that she doesn't want to cry any more than I would. I can't cry right now since the well spring of my emotions is sitting in the palm of my hands.

Emma smiles at me and sniffles a little, "Alright, it's time to put that away because it's too much for me right now."

"That's what she said."

"Regina."

"Is there a problem, Em-ma?"

The Savior gapes at me for few seconds, "Yeah, who the hell taught you that phrase?"

"Why Miss Swan, you are really laboring too hard on the delusion that I'm behind the times? That I learned nothing in my time in the other realm?"

Both of Emma's hands subtly drop from both of their respective holds on my cheek and heart, "I know you probably have mass quantities of knowledge stored up in that sharp mind. I just didn't think it included crude jokes too." She says and I chuckle lowly and the effect causes Emma to clear her throat. "I bet you even know what a MILF is since you can use the 'that's what she said' jokes pretty good."

I do in fact know what a MILF is and I've already applied that label to Emma. As I'm sure she's applied the label to me and I'm fine with it, so long as she never calls me that.

"Emma, I have to tell you that your mother gave me a headache." I say while positioning my heart over my chest and with a deep breath I gently push it back into its resting place. "Thanks to you though all traces of it has seemed to have vanished. But then again maybe pulling my heart out got rid of it? I know it works for other types of pain relief."

"Hey, I know I make terrible jokes in odd situations and you make these great sassy ones in all situations. But you showing me your heart is a big deal...I get it." Emma says as she moves closer to me and then the next thing I know I'm being hugged. I quickly return the affection and bury my face in the mass of long blonde hair that is draped over Emma's shoulder. "And we don't have to talk about the things that happened in your past to the death unless you really want to. But since I've got you like this I have to tell you that sometimes you look really cute when you're doing magic."

I startle slightly, "What?"

Emma chuckles, "You bite down on your lower lip sometimes and what can I say but I think it's cute."

"I do hope you have the sense you were born with to never repeat that in front of anyone else, Miss Swan."

I feel Emma's chest rumble with a chuckle and I'm almost loathe to move away. Because being in the dichotomy of an embrace that is so gentle yet strong is intoxicating but I manage to do so. Emma smiles at me as I step back a little and those green eyes are devoid of any trace of tears.

"On a somewhat related subject; you know you've got a pretty famous family too. Your older sister is the Wicked Witch of the West. Your mother was the real piece of work known as the Queen of Hearts." Emma says and in spite of the loss of my mother I grin. I know what Emma really means when she refers to my mother as being a piece of work. "Hey, I wonder if you've got a long lost brother who would be kinda like Severus Snape."

"I think you mean infamous, dear." I say with a growing smirk. "And why Snape of all the characters in those books, not to say that I didn't appreciate his character. But I was fonder of Mr. Black."

"I can just picture you having to screen those books before letting the kid read them. Am I right?" Emma says with a smile and I place my hands on my hips and throw her my best sinister glare. "But anyways, sure, Sirius would do too. His sister Miss Lastrange as you would call her, or just Bellatrix like I would, was a crazy witch too like your sister."

I laugh because I can't help it even though I desperately want to give Emma grief for her apparent love of young adult fiction and that her nerd is showing. I resist the words because I know that I have the most ridiculous smile on my face now too. This wasn't the day I planned on showing Emma my heart, but it has turned out to be a freeing and lighter experience than what I had envisioned.

"God, your laugh is something else. And I really like your smile too."

If anyone finds me like this with Emma I may have to blind them and then rip out their tongue; magically of course, since the alternative would be an absolute mess. I haven't behaved this way in over four decades. I'm also choosing not to dwell on the only other person in my memories anymore who made me feel like this.

"My-my, now I know why my ears were burning." Zelena's smooth accent rings out in the room and Emma jumps a little. "And I'm not crazy I'll have you know or at least not anymore. A witch can change after all if given the chance."

The chamber doors swing closed behind Zelena with a gesture of her magic as she sweeps further into the room. Her heels click on the floor as she walks closer to Emma and I at the round table. So far I find my long lost sister to be obnoxious but she is also intelligent and verbally witty. It might have been fun to have Zelena as a nemesis, but I don't have much family above ground and she is my family.

"So sorry to interrupt but I was having a laugh while watching you two in the mirror, when low and behold my baby sister rips out her heart." Zelena says with a grin and those sharp blue eyes of hers rove over Emma before her focus lands on us both equally. "In which case I would call my dear sisters ticker a perfect example of what a resilient heart actually looks like. And that's nothing to be ashamed of, Regina."

Zelena grins at me, "And furthermore, the both of you are almost as nauseating as..."

"Don't you dare finish that sentence or I'll make you mute." I say while glaring at my older sister. And the more thoroughly I take in her presence the more I suddenly want to strangle her. "Excuse me, but that's the second time I've caught you wearing one of my dresses."

"Is it? I thought you weren't serious about that." Zelena says as she runs her hands over yet another article of clothing that doesn't belong to her. This time it's one of my many other black dresses but one with feathers around the collar. "I find it rather difficult to tell with you sometimes."

Zelena smirks and moves closer until she's standing in front of Emma. The two of them seem to share some silent exchange and I glance between the two of them. Emma appears to be holding in a laugh and Zelena also seems far too amused.

"Didn't know you had a thing for blondes Regina but perhaps we do attract them?" Zelena says as she picks up a tendril of Emma's hair at the end and gives it a light tug. I may end up killing my sister after all. "And I say that because the dirty blonde thief, the one called Robin Hood, has been hanging around me as of late. But he's not nearly alluring as your blonde Savior here though."

"Careful greenie."

"Oh, don't get your knickers in such a nasty twist, Regina." Zelena says with a wink and a dismissive hand gesture. "It's just a simple fact that the Savior and I have some unfortunate things in common."

"Such as?"

Zelena smirks, "For starters we were both abandoned in the woods by our mothers; a matched set of orphans as it were. But I've finally decided to move past that, just as Emma has. However, let's not forget my favorite thing we have in common, Emma and I have powerful magic. Granted, my magic comes from a darker place but it's mine nonetheless. And magic in my experience is all one big grey area or it damn well ought to be; you can either handle your gift or not."

Emma has of course remained silent through mine and Zelena's exchange. I expected some form of an angry rebuttal after the orphan jibe but Emma seems unaffected, and I feel like I've missed some relevant conversation between her and Zelena at some point.

"You have exquisite green eyes, Savior." Zelena says while stepping marginally closer to Emma, unnecessarily close in my mind. "All our similarities aside I believe you aren't really my type."

Zelena's words are entirely too playful for my liking again. And Emma moves from my side to step closer to Zelena. They are so close it looks like they're going to kiss. I know Emma all too well though; she doesn't back down from a challenge, any form of a challenge.

"You know I always liked the Oz stories but 'Wicked' is an awesome musical." Emma says and by the sound of her voice I know she's got that arrogant smirk of hers on her face. "If we get back to my world you should go to New York and see it. I know we didn't cover it when we chatted, but from what I know I have to ask is Glinda your ex or was it an unrequited love thing?"

Zelena narrows her eyes but not in a menacing way, "I believe my sister covered it when she called her a blonde twit."

Irritation springs up all anew because I called Glinda that the night Emma was following me through the forest. I swear my sister appears to have nothing better to do than spy on me. I suppose looking through mirrors watching other people live their life runs in our family like hope and blind faith plague Emma's bloodline.

"That'll do." Emma says in a haughty tone. "Maybe you and Glinda will find each other one day and patch up all those old wounds together?"

"I would rather ride my broomstick into the tallest tree and hit every branch on the way down than see that disloyal, backstabbing trollop again."

Emma laughs and despite my sisters green skin I see a deep blush that's rapidly changing the coloring of her cheeks.

Zelena clears her throat, "I see you enjoy playing dirty Savior. I can work with that." My sister directs her full attention back to me, so I step forward until I'm side by side with Emma again. "And Regina, you can have your dress back after I'm done wearing it."

I glare at my older sister which seems to perk her right up because she grins back at me. On a different note I find it unfair that my sister's penchant for hats, including the one she's wearing, actually compliments my stolen dress far too well.

"I shall take my leave now because I fear if I stay around you two for much longer I may catch what you've both clearly got." Zelena says with barely a glance towards Emma. "A true witch has to keep a modicum of self-respect and behaving like an irrational love struck teenager is no way to go about maintaining a proper image."

Before I can rattle off a scathing response about what an avid and mouthy voyeur my sister is, Zelena turns on her heels and walks away from Emma and I. For a second I give a serious thought to slinging some magic Zelena's way, but then a sudden hand on my arm and then a following tenderness pressed to my side halts my focus for a second.

"Get her." Emma says under her breath and I nearly laugh. "I won't tell a soul."

I smile widely and then with a simple gesture a healthy, searing hot fireball emerges in the palm of my hand. I know Emma doesn't mean for me to harm Zelena and I take pride in her trust in me. I've finally chosen wisely because I have a companion who has nothing against my sensibilities and personality. Besides my sister has powerful magic and she has no business being related to me if she can't deflect a fireball, or anything else I may throw at her in the days ahead. I plan on dragging Zelena back with me to Storybrooke too if it becomes an available option.

"I heard that Savior." Zelena says, her accented voice lilted with amusement. "And I do fancy a mischievous streak in woman."

Emma snorts, "Good to know. But I have my heart set on someone else."

"Is that why Regina had hers out?" Zelena calls out with a chuckle as the chamber doors swing open. "I can't fathom why she felt the need to proposition you with her heart metaphorically and quite literally?"

I really want to throw the damn fireball if only for the brief satisfaction it will provide to see it fly through the air. But Emma grips my arm tighter and then I feel her magic and the odd calmness it instills within me.

"Hey, before you go and try to smite your sister I should tell you what I was going to before you distracted me with that thing you call a dress."

Zelena chuckles loudly and I hear the infernal cackle until the chamber doors swing closed behind her. My dress had better be cleaned and back in my closet by tomorrow.

"I found some beans and I don't mean the ones you cook with pork."

I snuff out the fireball in my hand, "Is that so? Then tell me did you miss your prior climbing partner the handless wonder when you shimmied up that beanstalk?"

Emma's face contorts from a frown, then to a grimace before her features even out in a solid confused glare that's familiar to me. I may even find that look to be somewhat endearing and I will plead insanity should that confession ever be forced from me by some truth potion. Torture won't work on me no matter how skilled its administered.

"Your mother told me all about your previous adventure, Miss Swan. Are you surprised?"

Emma rolls her eyes, "I used my magic this time. I did like you suggested; picture where I wanted to go and it was easy since I'd already been there."

"May I make another observation then, dear?"

"I have feeling you will anyway even if I didn't want to hear it."

Emma is lucky that I enjoy that mouth of hers in other capacities these days. Our banter is also satisfying to me and it has been for years now.

"All the magical beans in the world won't get us back to Storybrooke since it doesn't exist anymore. Without the Dark Curse it will never exist again."

"I know." Emma says while making a face that's not the least bit flattering. This facial manifestation isn't adorable in any way; it's like a cross between 'annoyance' and 'I may have thrown up in my mouth a little'. "But I thought we could go somewhere else and start over. That realm which sounds so weird to call it that now is or was my home. Not here. I'm not an Enchanted Forest kind of girl. I hated it the first time around and this time around the only thing that's sweetened the deal is you and the kid."

"Emma, your mother is like an idiot possessed these days but I seriously doubt she would approve of becoming nomad in the modern world."

The Savior looks guilty for a moment and then in a fit she walks away from me only to pace back, but then she turns again and heads back across the room.

"Okay, I'm going to let it slide that you keep calling both of my parent's idiots."

"Am I really that far off?"

Emma stops pacing and slowly turns around to face me; her jaw is clenched and that mouth of hers is clearly straining against its leash.

"Look, I'm going to give my parents the beans I found. But I'm going to keep one for me, you and Henry."

I close my eyes for a moment and place my hands on my hips, "Emma my patience on this topic was strained long before you waltzed in."

"Mary Margaret spent the morning trying to get you to remove David's heart again didn't she?"

"This whole thing is completely stupid." I say as my shoulders tense as though I were about to get into a fight. "Not so long ago all Snow White wanted was to get back to this God awful place. Now it would appear that this place doesn't suit her lifestyle choices anymore."

"Well, duh. It sucks here, so can you blame her?"

"Emma, she only got a sample of a marginalized better life because I cursed her to destroy her disgustingly happy ending."

"Well what about yours?"

"Come again?"

"The book said you cursed Snow White to get your happy ending. And I think getting Henry and landing me in the process doesn't exactly sound like sloppy seconds."

I scoff and chuckle a little. Getting a second chance at an insipid happy ending has costed me so much. I know that I essentially said that regret is for suckers in Neverland and it is. I accepted a long time ago what kind of sacrifices I would have to endure while I'm still alive.

"Emma, I will gladly agree that having you and Henry in my life is the best possible happy ending I could've hoped for."

Zelena makes a fair point about her and Emma's circumstances being aligned, but Emma and I share a common thread and that's the fact that no one choses us. I know all about disappointment and rejection just like the Savior. I have no interest in letting Emma believe that she isn't wanted or needed anymore, least of all by me.

"Good, great." Emma says with a deep sigh and I find myself entranced by the contrast of her long blonde curls that are a cascade falling over her strong shoulders. "Not that I was worried you hadn't seen the light, but I'll be willing to remind you again if or whenever you need it."

"Hmm, remind me you say, Miss Swan? Then do remind me how you and Zelena have gotten so cozy that she thinks it's preferable to flirt with you right in front of me."

Emma sighs, "I can tell you're bothered by Zelena and me having words but I can tell you that she…that we both were just messing around. She needs a friend and I think she's a good laugh. And besides she's your sister so I think it's a good thing that we get along as a family. I mean I don't care if she flirts a little bit; she doesn't mean anything by it. Some people are just like that."

So Emma has decided that she knows my sister better than me. Granted, I haven't tried to approach Zelena all that much but she hasn't with me either unless you count spying on me.

"In that case I feel relieved that you and my sister are so close." I say while gathering my dress a little in my hand. "And between me and you I'm not nearly as insecure as you believe I am."

Emma rolls her eyes, "No...ugh...damn it, Regina!"

I scoff and start walking towards the chamber doors. With my free hand I gesture the doors to open with my magic. The old hinges make dry groan as they expose the empty hallway beyond the threshold.

"Hey, don't you dare are walk out on me!"

My headache is slowly making a comeback and swinging around to glare at Emma quickly proves to be a poor choice.

"I will do as I damn well please, Miss Swan."

Emma growls and stalks towards me; her almost vermillion cape flares out behind her with each step. I stand my ground as if bracing for a blow but to be honest our sparring days were short lived, long gone and I don't wish for a rematch.

"That settles it then. I think we're pretty much made for each other if I went by that thinking alone and nothing else." Emma says as she stops only a fraction of an inch from me. "You like a challenge, well guess what, so do I...Your Majesty."

Emma is panting and before I have time to so much as utter a single vowel her lips latch unto mine. My eyes fall shut at the press of her slightly chapped lips which is alluring and it becomes even more so when Emma's hands work their way up over my waist. A small moan tumbles from me when I feel her cool fingers graze my bare stomach. I doubt she will go for my breasts since this meeting hall is not a discrete location and there isn't much holding them in my dress to begin with. Meanwhile, my own hands have found purchase on Emma's trim waist. I love feeling the muscles contracting under my touch which only makes me want to hold her tighter.

As Emma steps in to eliminate any space between our bodies she also angles her head and deepens the kiss. The slide of her lips over mine is soft and demanding, and as in all things, I only give as good as I get. So I respond by meeting her tongue with mine. The firm muscle of Emma's tongue caresses mine and then Emma lets loose a small muffled moan against my mouth. I angle my head again and grasp her face with both hands as I pull her tongue deeper into my mouth so I can suck on it. Emma groans out loud and add that to the sounds of our frantic breathing through our noses; to me I feel as if the world around us has fallen away.

My heart is beating fast in a way that is sure to leave me breathless. But I'm not ready to let Emma hold all the cards over me today and that may already be a lie that I'll have to keep telling myself. Instead, to mask my own state I leave one last lingering lick on Emma's bottom lip before slowly pulling away. I hope all of our arguments in the foreseeable future, whether petty or genuine, will lead to a make-up of the epic kind. I look forward to every bit of it.

"You sure can kiss a girl like your life depends on it. I mean Holy hell, Regina."

I smirk at Emma's words but when I open my eyes, I watch her breathe out heavily as she leans back just enough for me to see her darkened green eyes. I bet when we cross the final step in our relationship in our bedroom, and by then it will be ours, it might catch on fire at some point. I leave one last lingering caress with my hands on Emma's flushed cheeks before letting my hands gradually fall away from her beautiful face.

"That was a little forceful even for you, dear."

As those words leave my mouth I think about the time Emma was quite brutish with me in that supply closet. But in all honesty it was under highly emotional conditions and she didn't hurt me in any real way. But that day in Gold's shop when she threw me over a glass display case that did hurt. I suppose I had it coming though after I used my magic to toss Emma down my walkway.

"You owed me that."

"I fail to see how, Em-ma."

"Gee let me think." Emma intones playfully with a smirk. "Oh how about the fact you still get off on pushing my buttons? That I let you call me an idiot? Or the fact that I've willingly let you start modifying my wardrobe options? But the most noticeable thing to me is that nothing has changed between us except for the fact that now I can kiss that damn smirk off your face when the situation begs for it."

I smirk and tug Emma by her hips tight against me, "Are you done, dear?"

Emma gasps and I can tell she's not happy about making that sound because she rolls her eyes at herself and me no less.

"You will always be the boss of me won't you?"

I smile and then kiss Emma on her cute turned up nose, "Are you complaining?"

"No, not really."

"Good for you. Now how about some lunch; my headache is back. But the real incentive for you should be that you know what a twitter it puts me in to watch you try to hide every piece of food that's put in front of you. And then I'm left afloat wondering where do you actually put it on your twig frame?"

"You and your sarcasm; you just have to sprinkle that shit on everything don't you? But are you actually trying to say I eat like a pig?"

I shrug and step back from our intimate embrace, "Not at all. But if I were to compare your appetite to that of a member of the animal kingdom I'm afraid there isn't one that springs to mind."

Emma tilts her head to the side and narrows her eyes at me. I reach for her hand because if I must lead her with me to the dining hall as though she were a small tantrum prone child then so be it.

"Outside of the animal kingdom though I would say your eating habits, up until being banished here, resembled that of a garbage disposal." I say as Emma takes up stride beside me and yes she seems to not mind holding my hand even when I'm insulting her. "I thank my lucky mirrors that those greasy grilled cheese sandwiches and pastries you favored in Storybrooke aren't an option in this realm. In fact, I bet before coming to Storybrooke you were a regular at the nearest golden arches of fast fattening food weren't you, Miss Swan."

"Hey! I'd watch it if I were you Miss 'I secretly lust after cold root beer'."

I stop walking abruptly and when Emma turns to face me she has an obnoxious smirk planted on her face. I forcefully let go of her hand.

"Who told you that lie?"

Emma chuckles, "Shame on you for calling our son a liar."

I inhale sharply and glare at the Savior that is until I notice Snow and David just up the hallway coming towards us.

"You'll pay for that, Miss Swan." I say before I resume walking to the dining hall with or without my loathsome companion.

In less than a few seconds later Emma catches up with me and once more we are walking together. A pleasing smell is radiating from just down the hall; mixing just the right spices can be fragrant ordeal. I'm not in charge of the meal preparation itself here in this castle but I do make the menu on occasion. I was surprised when Granny asked for my input.

"I look forward to it." Emma says lowly and then she grabs my hand and holds it prisoner in hers. "I love it when you get all pissy."

"Shut up, Miss Swan."

"Hey, I'll get you all the root beer you want when we get back home." Emma says with laugh and a gentle nudge against my arm. "And if we don't we'll just have to see if we can't magic something up together."

Even as Snow and her sheep loving escort arrive at the main doors I momentarily entertain the notion of going ahead with my quick plan to lightly strangle their first born right in front of them. Emma just has to get the last word and so what if it was unbearably sweet; it makes no difference. Zelena was right about maintaining a certain image, and the only people I care about enough to want them to know who I really am is Emma and our son. But then Snow and David glance at their daughter and take in the smear of my lipstick on Emma's mouth a wave of elation hits me so hard I have to smile. If things go my way I hope Emma goes through our entire lunch and is none the wiser. But I expect Snow will spoil my fun before Henry plops down at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "Badfish" by Sublime, "One Tree Hill" by U2 & "Honey White" by Morphine
> 
> Parting Words: Thanks so much to everyone who has embraced this story. I know some peeps think that third person POV is 'the shit' (a.k.a the only way to write) and they hate dialogue too. So I get why this story is a morbidly obese turn-off to those peeps. Personally, I'm open to anything (no matter how it's presented) as long as it's good.


	4. Atrial Tachycardia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter contains a little scene that might be M-Rated. There you have been warned.

"Hey Regina, wonder what people would think if I started singing my rendition of 'I feel pretty'?"

I roll my eyes and sigh, "Well, I can't vouch for others but I say that while there are no strait jackets in this realm dear, you may only give it a try once I'm far away from you."

"Huh, why's that?" Emma says while fidgeting with the white corset that nearly blends in with the rest of the white puritanical fabric she's wearing. Watching her try to breathe shallowly and getting more pissed off with each second is becoming highly entertaining. "Would it render you beyond the limits of your control not to set me on fire or something?"

"You're perfectly safe from my fireballs. But a word of caution dear, not only is exchanging oxygen to carbon dioxide tricky in a corset but your impressive décolletage may fall out for someone else to enjoy with one wrong move or a painful deep breath should you be brave enough to try it."

Emma snorts and then tries to tug the corset up right in between the valley of her breasts, "Actually I really feel like I'm all dolled up to do some Princess Bride cosplay thing, only there are no Cliffs of Insanity here to jump off of. And shit, I really have no business wearing white."

I have to hide my laugh behind my hand because I don't really know if it's acceptable for me to laugh. Emma isn't laughing, in fact she's thoroughly distracted by her outfit that Snow has obviously coaxed her into. All I can say that's favorable about the dress is that Emma looks even more like an angel and thankfully the dress is not a dastardly shade of pink or worse poufy. Emma huffs, mumbles under her breath and then she lets her hands fall on her thighs. The fabric muffled light slap is the sound of submission as Emma finally gives up fiddling with her dress.

I've gotten used to the restrictive nature of the clothing here again and I absolutely didn't miss it in the slightest back in Storybrooke. However, today I chose an exceptionally tight deep red dress that at first I was afraid I could no longer fit into without some magical tailoring. I'd forgotten how the dress is more like a second skin and the black lace that covers my chest is quite teasing. I wore this dress solely to get a rise out of Emma, though so far she has yet to comment, but then again she's been preoccupied with her own outfit.

I have never seen a woman so dead set on insuring a wardrobe malfunction in my life. I mean pulling on her dress isn't going to change its design and I must say the cut of the dress is more daring than one would think of a Snow White approved garment. I smirk as the carriage jostles over the uneven road and Emma grunts as she slides sideways into me, not that we were sitting very far apart, but we're certainly closer now. Then Emma turns to look at me and yes with her hair down and in this light I think she is completely angelic, and the white dress only highlights that aspect about her even more.

"Okay, I gotta ask how can you breathe in that thing you're wearing? I mean not that I'm complaining about the view because...just wow! And when I was watching you get in this this pimped out Darth Vader carriage of your's I think that everything, but one body part of mine, shorted out for a second."

I know which body part received a jolt and confess mine is currently behaving in a similar way, because when I saw Emma my heart had a strong reaction. However, I'm more subtle than my companion when the situation calls for it. Today Emma and I are traveling to get out of the castle, or moreover Henry asked me to get Emma out of the castle because Snow is arranging some sort of celebration. Today isn't just any other day in the Enchanted Forest for any of us brought back by the curse.

"Oh, by the way happy anniversary, dear. Or should I call you Princess Buttercup?"

Emma's eyes grow wider and it's a challenge to keep from laughing again. I do enjoy choosing my words carefully just to confound my favorite dolt.

"It's our anniversary? I didn't know. God, I'm sorry I can't keep up with the dates in this damn place." Emma rambles but then she gets this look on her face and she narrows her eyes at me. "Oh and never call me Princess Buttercup or even a Princess ever again or to hell with wishing because I will find a way to quit you, Dread Pirate Mills."

I glare at Emma to refrain from laughing, "You would do well to never insinuate that I'm anything like a pirate, even fictional ones to my knowledge."

Emma grins, "So I'm guessing by that burning glare in your dark sexy eyes and your evil resting bitch face you didn't mean a traditional couple-type deal anniversary for us? Or am I in trouble for real?"

"No, I didn't mean in conventional terms of our relationship." I say with an exasperated sigh because I really want to kiss that damn little smile off her face. "So don't go off looking for a gift or a calendar for conformation. But it has been one year to the day since the curse dragged me back here and you and our son decided to tag along."

"Aww, it's cute when you go all hardass on me to mask your squishy soft center."

"I could turn you into a rat." I say with a sneer and snap my fingers. "Just like that."

Emma snorts, "Now, now there's no need for you to turn me into that childhood pet you always wanted but couldn't have." She snaps her fingers at me. "Just like that."

"How about I expel you out of this moving carriage then, Miss Swan?"

Emma smirks while glaring at me, "I'd like to see you try."

A stare down with Emma has always been exciting and I'm more than relieved to see that tension, that has always been between us, still flares up despite the fact that I no longer wish to cause Emma any true harm.

"Careful Miss Swan, I may take your challenge seriously."

A few seconds pass and then Emma's face slowly morphs into pure happiness and she laughs. I give into the act too as Emma's hand finds mine and laces our hands together, palm to palm, fingers intertwined.

"God, you're a riot." Emma says with a chuckle. "And sometimes I can't tell whether you're one hundred percent serious or not, and damn if that just doesn't make it even more fun."

"Hmm, I'm glad you enjoy that about me."

I do adore the ebb and flow between us and I'm trying my best to make sure Emma knows that. Its gets easier for me to let down my guards a little more everyday around her and Emma is responding in a complementary fashion. And as playful as the mood is I see an oncoming shift merely by taking a closer look at Emma's beautiful face; getting to know someone means learning to read them and their various moods.

Emma shifts sideways a little more and squeezes my hand in hers, "You know there's something I've been wanting to talk about with you, but it's never been a good time. And beforehand it's not like I felt I had any right to talk to you about certain things."

"Just ask me already, dear."

"That death curse you...absorbed at the well. What happened to you afterwards? Did you get sick or was it nothing but a bunch of hype? You know the Death Curse is just supposed to sound badass but it really wasn't shit."

I'm almost tempted to wallow again because I let Gold use me as his scapegoat again. I never lifted a single finger or added so much as a whiff of my magic to power that blunder. The spell was all Rumpelstiltskin but it was my name that was dragged through the muck and mire instead of his. I don't know what to tell Emma really but I'm not going to lie or avoid her question, or behave like her inquiry is a test of my patience and a waste of my time.

"I was sick but not the way you think. It was a curse meant to bring death to anyone that broke its threshold. Since I didn't essentially do that the result was a hefty dose of dark magic. I wasn't corrupted any more than I already was and it wasn't my magic but it wasn't Rumple's either. He cheated of course and used pixy dust instead of his own. The mixture of magic I took to save your life and your mother's was...overwhelming. It felt like, well at the time I didn't have a comparison but now I do, it felt like being electrocuted but instead of draining me it fueled me."

Emma frowns, "What a crock of shit."

"Excuse me?"

"I remember that day. I saw you after I crawled out of that damn well; you were practically on your knees, and that damn tree was the only thing keeping you on your feet. You had some kind of dirt all over the back of your fancy black trench coat and you looked like a stiff breeze would send you flying to the ground. I should've cared more but I thought if I did you would've just shut me down with your version of: 'fuck off, Miss Swan' so I played it off like it was nothing. But if I could do it all over I would've made you, or dragged you if I had to, to the damn hospital to Whale or someone. So tell me the truth, Regina."

I foolishly would've liked for things to have stayed light for our carriage ride, but such a thing isn't possible, and I realize that inevitable pitfall encompasses far more people than just Emma and I.

I sigh and grip Emma's hand tighter in mine, "Locked up in my house who would care if I died? I had very little to lose in those days, just like before, so I went all in for Henry. I didn't know what would happen to me and I didn't care. Henry would've had you and that's all he wanted at the time. I made all these impossible promises to myself; he wanted me to change, without really knowing who I am. My son hated a part of me that will always be there and no I haven't told him that, it can wait until he's much older. He forgave me for being a villain but I'm still working on forgiving him."

I haven't dared to look away from Emma's intense gaze; in fact I've watched it change over many times in the last few minutes. All the happiness has gradually left her face and now those sea-green eyes are glossy. I swallow against the lump that's been forming in my throat. A part of me would like nothing better than to be dispassionate now, but I owe Emma and myself more than that.

"Being made to feel that I was worthless, unredeemable and low as I stood before I changed hurt as much as any punishment my mother ever subjected me to. I'm not angry though so please keep this between us. I'm trusting you with this part of me for better or worse." I say while trying to reign in the tears that this confession is fit for. "Christ, I sound like that damn cricket but I did learn something from him. When you truly love someone it's without conditions; the good and the not so good and the ugly too. My son placed conditions on the love I received from him and I allowed it because I felt I didn't deserve much. But then Neverland happened and now it's different again."

My hand is shaking in our grasp and for once it takes everything I have now to look away from Emma. I'm afraid of her judgment, of this, my truth, will be enough to push her away when that's the last thing I want. But to my surprise all I see is Emma silently crying and I choke down the urge to sob.

"Oh God, Regina I know he talked to you like that. I let him do it and so did you but we never made him stop. But you...you wanted to die?"

"More times than I'm comfortable admitting these days."

Emma wipes under her nose with the back of her hand and for a second I consider giving her a hard time for it so we can move on from this subject. But between the drying tears I see a boiling anger in her that too closely resembles my own.

"You can't think like that anymore." Emma says lowly like a threat. "You really can't think like that anymore if we're going to last like I want it to."

"I am not a prize you won, Emma. Nor am I yours to command, especially in regards to my feelings."

"You think I don't know that! I was talking about you and the whole pessimistic thing. Waiting for the other shoe to drop, expecting it for fucks sake or even counting on it."

"That's the best metaphor for my entire life." I say while letting go of Emma's hand and then turning away to look out of the oval window of my carriage. The window was designed to replicate one of my ornate mirrors. "Something has always gone wrong and I would be a pathetic fool to think otherwise after all these years."

"Do you even believe in us?"

I barely hold my gasp in at the quiet accusation in her voice. I'm not trying to push her away. All I'm trying to do is show her the last piece of me that she's willingly signing up for.

"Because I do even if you don't and I can't see myself with anyone else." Emma says and the sheer confidence of her voice forces me to turn away from the passing scenery to look at her. "I would just be settling with anyone else that isn't you."

Emma reaches for my trembling hands again that are clasped together on my lap and then she gently unfolds them from one another to take them both in her hands.

"I know that I would want you even if Henry wasn't a part of the reason for us meeting. I also believe that the first night we met could've been the start if you hadn't felt the need to threaten me the next damn day." Emma says, swallowing nervously and then offers me a small smile. "I was attracted to you the second I saw you. Even that morning after I woke up in that jail cell, after taking out the sign I was so...if you hadn't been shouting for Graham and crying you would've seen how my jaw was hanging wide open when I saw you again. I tried my best to impress you, to make you like me that first twenty-four hours we met but you decided to show me your fangs and claws anyway."

I almost want to laugh but nothing about this moment is worth joking about despite Emma's phrasing. I'd gotten used to cursed life; it's guaranteed and predictable comforts, to bother with thinking past the daily repeat.

"Emma, only one person has ever chosen me. And no one else has willingly wanted me since then."

"Then they're all fucking mo-rons. I would've chosen you from the start but you ruined that chance." Emma says and then she smiles and gently squeezes my hands in hers. "Sorry, I mean we ruined it for a while, but did you like me at all back then? The night we first met?"

That night will forever be like a clear blue morning to me now, but years ago it was more like having a waking night terror. But my life started to change from that moment; in ways I wasn't ready for. However, I wish I could lie to Emma right now and by that I mean tell her what she wants to hear instead of the truth.

"I was too busy sizing you up to feel anything. And the Dark Curse left a void in my heart that Henry filled but when he turned away from me that emptiness came back. I slipped a little further in every day and by the time I sent Henry off with David, even after the curse lifted and I was free from that price, all I felt was numb and angry." In terms of triage and the wounded my personal Savior looks as though I've told her that she'll be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her days. "I'm sorry, Emma. I wish I had more to offer you about our past, but I promise you that I've told you the truth."

Emma smiles at me and then lets go of one of my hands. For a second I worry that she's choosing to pull away from me, but then she brings her hand up to cover my cheek and I lean into her touch.

"I know and thank you for telling me the truth. That means a lot to me." Emma says but then she smirks, glossy eyes and all. "But it doesn't change the fact I'm so smitten with you, Your Majesty and I'm gonna point out that it's getting to a dangerous degree."

Emma is apparently done with the heavy subject matter since she's resorting to flirting with me. And her act would be thoroughly convincing if her eyes weren't still shining with tears.

"You want me now though? You like me now?"

"Emma, how could I not?"

Riding in a carriage is hardly a quiet ordeal, but with the way we've been all but whispering our words you would think so. I would actually liken a carriage ride to taking a train, the sounds of the horse's hooves reaching out and striking the ground is somewhat like the sound of a train's wheels holding onto the rails and the movement is fairly close at the carriage's current rate of speed.

What is silent though is us, save for my heart which is starting to thunder within my chest. Not many people can carry on conversations without the need for words but that is what's happening now. I take a deep breath when I see Emma moving in closer to me and then I close my eyes. I've wanted her to kiss me for the last few minutes and finally she is thinking along the same lines. No sooner than her lips press firmly into mine I feel a pleasant weight settling into my lap and then I feel her arms move around my neck. I start to deepen our kiss but unfortunately though Emma pulls away and I can't keep from frowning.

"You're entirely too cute when you pout." Emma says as I open my eyes. "And you know I'd never gotten around to squaring away my sexual preferences, but now I can safely say I'm gay as a May pole for you."

I chuckle darkly and Emma visibly shudders, "Your advances are always welcome, endearing even, but before things go any further there's something I haven't wanted to mention but I feel like I've put it off long enough. I need to tell you about when I was married to Leopold."

I will never refer to him as her grandfather- I can't. Especially not now and more importantly that was literally a whole other lifetime ago. Emma shifts in my lap and thankfully her dress has a large free flowing shirt where mine is tight; spreading my legs in this dress simply isn't possible.

"I was never required to sleep with him, even on the night of the wedding. I was merely what you would call a trophy wife, arm candy and a live-in caregiver for your mother." I say succinctly while holding Emma's gaze. "I was invisible and as bad as that sounds I considered myself lucky in that respect as the years passed. But then as I got older a deep resentment took hold and in my desperation I resorted to...well the rest is my past. I needed you to know this because I don't think I could go forward without you knowing about that part of me as well."

Emma tightens her hold around my neck and I leave my hands resting on her dress-covered thighs and fight the temptation to fondle her ass. However, since I'm speaking to her about such personal things and I want them to carry the weight they should, so groping her isn't exactly the right way to go about making the words ring true. I would've preferred to have this conversation without Emma's ass planted in my lap, but she was the one who put it there not me.

"Even with his station, the King, never so much as laid a hand on me. I suppose it's safe to say he was decent enough to realize that I was barely seven years older than his own daughter. What added to my dissatisfaction stemmed from loneliness and then much later I became angry about being robbed of the life I wanted? Then as Snow grew older, as did I, Leopold did begin to express interest shall we say, but by then I was plotting his demise before he got the chance to make any demands in regards to my body."

Emma shifts minutely in my lap, "Hearing you say shit like that makes me really glad that I got stuffed in that wardrobe. You and I both know me being sold off would've happened too, since that's the way it was done here. Not that the other realm, shit that still sounds weird, has completely stopped believing in the concept of chattel."

I won't confirm Emma's fears because it is true no matter how Snow and her shepherd may deny it now. It's not that far-fetched to picture Snow arranging a marriage for Emma for whatever asinine reason to be named at a later date.

"May I suggest we change topics, dear?"

"Please do." Emma says with a slight frown. "Since the only thing keeping this from bringing on the angry waterworks is me sitting in your lap. And sitting in your lap is nice."

"Well then, I've been debating on whether or not to ask this question for a while." I say while running my hands further up Emma's thighs; pushing up the fabric of her dress too. "Tell me, Emma, what were you thinking answering the door at the Bed & Breakfast in no more than your underwear?"

Emma laughs and presses her chest against mine, "I knew it was you and I thought I would have a little fun with that. And even though it's taken all this time I'm happy to know that you noticed."

I feel my cheeks warm and Emma chuckles, "I tried my best not to notice but I did. I'm only human."

"Yeah, you're one hell of an example of a human female." Emma says as she leans back and her arms loosen from around my neck. "In fact I'm having a very human response to you now."

"Hmm, do tell."

Emma smiles and then bites down on her lower lip, "How about I show you instead?"

A game of sexual chicken isn't new between us and that has been satisfying in its own right. I don't spend my nights frustrated and Emma hasn't been the least bit shy about telling me that I star in her fantasies. I haven't nor will I ever admit to anything of that nature about her.

"Do your worst, Em-ma."

"God, I really come embarrassingly close to losing it when you say my name like that." Emma says and I watch as one of her hands disappears under her dress. Once more my heart finds a higher rate to beat to. "But then I might be biased because I think your voice is one sexy weapon."

I'm waiting for Emma to direct one of my hands or something to that effect but it doesn't happen. I've never touched her any further than where my hands currently are before. I'm still waiting for an invitation when Emma groans and her eyes flutter. It takes a moment for me to realize that she's touching herself and then my idle hands on her inner thighs twitch and want to crawl in closer.

"Emma."

The woman in my lap groans again and I'm just about ready to tell the carriage driver to turn around and take us back when Emma's hand emerges out from its temporary hiding place underneath her dress. As Emma removes her hand I see that two of her long, slim fingers are glistening. All sorts of sordid images fast forward in my mind and my body responds by sending a flush of moisture between my thighs.

"Would you like a taste, Regina?"

I barely hold in a groan at the suggestion or more pointedly at the sound of Emma's voice. The Savior has a pleasing voice that's higher than mine but sometimes it dips down to a register that I find appealing; low and clear without the huskiness that has become a natural part of my voice.

"Yes, but only since you're offering."

Emma grins but before I can lean forward to take her fingers into my mouth she presses them to my lips. I open my mouth to her touch but she doesn't put her fingers inside, instead she runs them along my lower lip as though she were putting on some sort of perverse lipstick. I start to taste faint traces of her essence as Emma's drying fingers trace over my top lip. I barely keep still and I'm certain I'm flushed because Emma is a panting mess in my lap. I grip her thighs in my hands and Emma moans and leans forward to capture my mouth painted with her taste.

I open my mouth to Emma and with the first taste of her tongue against mine it brings another part of her with it. The flavor is different and addicting when combined with Emma's delicacy that I'm already familiar with. The Savior moans into my mouth and I tilt my head to get a better angle. Emma's nose presses into my cheek and oh how I wish she weren't wearing that damn corset so I could fill my hands with her breasts. Instead I make due with filling my hands with the soft, firm flesh of her thighs as I squeeze and move them higher, closer to the source of the taste in my mouth.

Emma groans and pants my name on my lips, "Oh God, Regina."

"I hope you plan on kissing me with a little more passion sometime soon, dear." I say even though I'm damn near breathless and kisses don't get much more erotic than that. "I need to tell the driver to turn around. Now."

Emma laughs and pulls away from me, "Hey, you're the one who had to procrastinate over the last month and a half and another damn near two months before that." She says with a grin as she lightly thrusts her hips forward into mine and I have to stifle a moan. "Or are you pissed because I made the first move, Your Majesty?"

"Emma, if you even think about calling me anything other than my name while we are together I will..."

"Destroy my happiness?"

"Tempting but no. My happiness is aligned with yours." I say while savoring Emma's lingering taste on my tongue. "Contrary to what my reputation would suggest I was most certainly not some sadomasochistic monarch during private activities in my personal chambers."

"So no secret passage to a kinky sex room hidden in the walls then?"

"No and I do hope that doesn't disappoint you, Em-ma?"

"Um, no. And to be honest I was kinda worried that I would have to go along with something like that. Even though I'm pretty sure there's no way I could've learned to like some of that stuff. I'm not interested in dominating or being dominated, that's for assholes with fragile egos."

I chuckle even as my mind flashes to Graham. I took him and his free will with it, but in return whether he knew it or not he was the first man I slept with. I didn't get a chance to have who my heart wanted because being that physical with Daniel was the last thing on my mind when I was that young. As for Graham I can't undo what's been done, all I can do is to never make that mistake again. One day I'll tell Emma she is only the second person I've ever been with.

"Well, in that case let me put your mind completely at ease. I would never dare to ask you to do anything you didn't want, much less expect it without your consent." I say as I slip both hands underneath Emma's dress and just running my hands along the smooth skin of her thighs towards her heat is exquisite. "I've had enough pain and inflicted enough in my life. So why ever would anyone with half a brain come to believe I would find...that enjoyable? I see no logic in assuming that when I was trying to achieve some form of pleasure, or even moments of empty satisfaction, I would resort to adding pain in that facet of my already painful life?"

"That does make sense." Emma says with heavy breaths. "So are we finally doing this because I can't wait much longer? I've already been waiting for you for years."

I smirk, "Good. But so we're clear I'm not having sex with you for the first time in my carriage. However, I can't wait for the return trip...so hold into me."

My magic has always made me feel alive even when I was at my lowest and here, back in my home realm, my magic is stronger than ever. I've never teleported with another person much less another magic user, so as the sensation of Emma's magic joins with mine it's like an intimate caress that I feel in every part me.

"What the? Regina!"

Teleporting is willing your way to a location and the part I've always found the most intriguing is you have no memory of the time between going from one place to another. I've wondered if it's solely magic or some mystic hand that prevents me from seeing what lies in the space. Before I finish the thought of where I want to take us I also will the carriage, driver and my prized horses back to the stables.

My driver will be caught off-guard but it's not as though I hadn't performed that feat before; just not in over three decades. With Emma's raw power and my more unrestrained magic here in the Enchanted Forest I bet the two of us could actually move a mountain if we wanted to. Emma and I arrive in my private bedchambers unscathed and every bit aroused as when we left the carriage.

"Wow, that's a rush and a turn on too."

I chuckle and Emma's loosens her hold on me a little, "I didn't envision this as being some quick affair."

"Hey." Emma says softly as she moves her hands to my most likely flushed face. "It's okay, more than, I would say so otherwise. I know how you feel about me and you should know how I feel about you. We can do the whole love me tender thing later, because I'm really hoping you're not and 'one and done' kind of woman."

I laugh and instead of some ham-handed retort I think action speaks volumes, so I lean in and kiss Emma with every ounce of passion I've been holding back, saving for this moment. The taste of her lips in this moment is much more than any idealized fantasy and with a flick of my wrist I turn down the bedcovers and then I use another small dash to divest Emma of her pure white gown and my sinful red dress with it.

My magic feels so charged, invigorated that as I kiss a path down Emma's quivering stomach I use my magic to enchant the room. The spell's function is to keep the sounds of this room from traveling outside the walls and to keep anyone out, because my first time with Emma will only end when we've both come undone more than just once or twice. And I already know Henry won't be an embarrassing threat because he's occupied along with Snow; probably up until thirty minutes before the dinner party is ready to start. We have hours and I intend to use it to my advantage.

"God, I really hope you didn't just get me pregnant." Emma says breathlessly as she flops down on the bed beside me on her back. "And I hope when can get back to the world of modern medicine before my mother bursts. She looks like she's going to have triplets."

I laugh into Emma's shoulder, "I'll forgive you this one time for bringing your mother up since accidental pregnancy is on your mind. But pregnancy is somewhat possible when two people have magic, under specific instances, just the same as it is between a man and a woman. And to put your fears to rest...you're safe, Emma. I have no secret wish or some rogue magic to do such a thing to you unplanned."

"See...I knew there was another reason to like you." Emma says as she softly runs her fingers through my hair. "Henry wasn't planned and I wouldn't change that now but I was a kid myself. Since then I've always said that if I met someone and I wanted another kid with them I would still need it to be my choice the second time around."

Emma's words resonate because I understand all too well about how other people can strip options away in the blink of an eye. I would never deliberately do that to her, not after everything we've been through separately and together and despite my many flaws I would never take away her free will to choose. I've already had my free will stripped from me in my youth and then in turn I did the same in return with many people while I was Queen. I suppose it's fitting looking back on it all now that I came out almost as empty-handed in life as I was before I enacted the Dark Curse.

Two Days Later...

"Fine! Have it your way, Snow! I'll pretend I'm a magical cardiovascular surgeon. But if half of your heart doesn't bring back your shepherd after you crush his then don't come crying to me about it."

"Oh for God's sake, sis. I'm not going to listen to the weepiest of them all a second longer. Just take her heart and split between them already!"

"Crap! Are we really doing this, Regina?"

"Mom, isn't there something else we can do to get Storybrooke back? Or maybe we should just use the magic beans and go to New York or something?"

"Regina, Snow is the only one who can do this." David says and then he turns to a very wide weepy Snow and takes both of her hands in his. "You can do this, Snow. Use my heart and get us back to our home."

Everyone is getting on my last nerve, shouting at me and by rights I want to sling fireballs at every single one of them. Except for Henry of course but I would still lob one at Emma, but the one I would throw at her would be weaker and primed to miss.

"Stop this!" Emma shouts and then the boiling cauldron gurgles behind me and I turn to see it start spewing out an all too familiar green-purple cloud burst funnel. "Oh shit! What was that?

The curse has been activated minus the sacrifice and it only takes a second for me to deduce that the Savior's magic is responsible. I want to ask Emma what she was thinking but unlike the other times when I've watched that curse cloud form and then disperse this time it's faster and then I realize that I'm frozen to my spot. I suspect everyone else in the room and throughout the land is stilled too. I look to Emma as much as I can while she and Henry are swallowed up by the cloud, then my sister, who is followed by the two idiots. The thick smoke washes over me next and I can't see a damn thing.

Storybrooke...

"Admit it, Swan. You picked that infernal red cloak in an attempt to what; replace your beloved red leather jacket during our curse induced exile."

Emma gapes for a second and then she frowns, "Okay, seriously. You go from calling me Miss Swan a hundred percent of the time, for a year or more. Then you switched to Emma pretty much ninety percent of the time, but with the occasional Miss Swan thrown in to be sassy. But now you've started calling me Swan...why? What on earth have I done now?"

I don't do nicknames or insipid pet names; those idiotic notions are for small children who let themselves get beat up over chocolate milk.

"Last time I checked that was your name, dear. And a bird surname is rather fun, in fact, I find it fitting considering who your mother is."

Emma rolls her eyes and turns away from me, "It's too early for this without my caffeine booster shot."

The streets of Storybrooke have changed, again, only this time it isn't because of a broken curse. This town is different and honestly it has every reason to be since the curse was enacted differently. Rumpelstiltskin himself was personally awed when he found out the curse was a success without the sacrifice. And yet The Savior's magic remains an unknown and without limits so far.

I glare at Emma's retreating form as she moves further down the sidewalk towards Granny's, and with a huff I start down the sidewalk too. My heels clack on the pavement and with each step a thought occurs to me and it's that I've never chased Emma; she is usually the one chasing after me.

"Miss Swan, I'm not running after you in my new heels!" I shout, not giving a damn how many people hear me while moving down the sidewalk at a brisk pace. "You will stop at once or so help me!"

Today started out like all of my mornings; we were running late. So after Henry quickly ate what suitable food I could manage in the timeframe we had Emma and I walked Henry to the bus stop to see him off to school. Then it hit me as I watched the bus pull away from the curb. The 'it' is I have my happy ending, but the part that really hit me is that I've been in a stable relationship with my son's other mother for several months now. And I have no idea what comes next. Emma already lives with me; she has since we returned from fairytale land as she calls it.

"And out comes the threats by Her Majesty." Emma shouts back over her shoulder and her long, wavy blonde hair looks radiant in the sunshine. "Why do you have to be so...ahhh!"

I will admit some revelations, when they occur, that I sometimes revert to my default position. But yet another way to look at our morning spat is that I absolutely love antagonizing Emma, and in all fairness she is rather prickly by nature a good deal of the time. I'm sure she doesn't see herself that way, but that doesn't make it any less true.

"Emma, this is such a childish reaction to a bit of teasing!"

The Savior stops abruptly and I slow down. Emma's hands fidget at her sides and as I draw closer to her she finally turns around to face me. I can't read Emma's every emotion simply by looking at her, but I do know that she's actually upset and not mildly annoyed like she's supposed to be.

"Hook used to call me Swan all the time and it makes me think of him and I don't want to waste one second thinking about him."

The outpouring is unexpected and for a few seconds I'm not sure what's called for. This why my epiphany caused me to revert to being extra sassy as Emma calls it.

"Why does that bother you so much?"

Emma takes a deep breath and then exhales, "Because I wasted valuable time with him. I let him almost pester me into submission. And I think if I hadn't got caught up in the curse and gone back with you who knows what wiping my memory and leaving you and my parents behind would've done to me."

My gesture as the curse was at our backs was meant to give Emma her ideal happy ending. I was going to give her everything and leave nothing for myself but painful memories that would've worn down what fight is still left in me. And I'm glad I will never have to know what that feels like.

"That's all moot now." I say while taking the final two steps to be close to Emma in a way that's an acceptable display to be seen in public. "And I would like to say that I think Emma Swan is a beautiful name."

Radiant green eyes twinkle while high cheekbones flush to a rose color, "I should'a known that mouth was capable of being a smooth talker too along with dispensing out the usual catty-catty bitchfest."

The urge to smack Emma is there but an even greater urge to kiss her is overwhelming. But I will not be locking lips with her though and she knows this.

"Emma, one of these days I might take offense to the way you describe a part of my personality."

"No you won't."

"Hmm, why's that?"

"Because I love that about you too."

I may be a fairytale character to some, but I don't sing and if my life were a musical it would be a silent seething one. And I'm still not kissing Emma on the sidewalk in full display of the masses like the two idiots would surely have no problem doing.

"Very good, dear. Way to toe the line to keep from ending up on the sofa tonight."

Emma chuckles and quickly leans in and pecks me on the lips. I smile even in the face of the knowledge that I don't know what Emma will want from me in the future or if I'll be able to provide it, but I will try my best to do what I can.

"You know we had an agreement on PDA or did your memory have a sudden lapse?" I say while Emma winds her arms around my waist. "Or do you just like breaking rules, taking liberties? Or is it more like what the Savior wants she gets, because you willed not one but two curses into doing your bidding."

Emma grins, "The PDA agreement was unwritten to my knowledge and yes I've bent a few rules here and there in my life. And as for the other accusation about getting what I want; not really, but I did believe with all my heart it was about damn time for some things in my life to go like it should."

I smile and for a brief flash I consider showing Emma what a real kiss feels like. I have my standards but The Savior seems to have a knack for making me reconsider on occasion.

"Oh good Lord, you two have that ridiculously large house to fornicate in much less resorting to doing street shows as well." Zelena says while strutting past us on the sidewalk. My sister has a penchant for green clothes and I have a theory that it's because she misses her complexion. "But do try and finish up quickly, I'll not be having my breakfast any later due to waiting on you both to finish up your performance."

Emma snorts as I try to loosen her arms from around my waist so I can go after my obnoxious sister. Zelena isn't green anymore and she isn't having trouble turning more than a few heads here, but her favorite activity seems to still be amusing herself at my expense. I see it now that I was better off as an only child.

"Let go, Emma. I've got a mouthy witch to educate."

"Nope, not until you calm down and remember that she's your sister and that's her way of showing you that she's growing to love you."

I glare at Emma, "Your nose is bound to start growing if you keep telling lies like that."

"You have me confused with August." Emma says and then she gives me a quick squeeze before she slowly lets go. "And Zelena does care or she wouldn't have changed her mind back in the Enchanted Forest; living here in Storybrooke, and she certainly wouldn't be having breakfast with us if she didn't at least like you. And I know you like her, it's just you both have a particular way of showing it, you know with snark."

"My-my, you have an answer for everything this morning, don't you dear?"

Emma shrugs, "I try. And I should be awarded a medal for functioning at this high of a level without having had a healthy dose of caffeine to power up with."

I roll my eyes while stepping back from Emma a little. My clearly insane sister likes to push my buttons; everyone does so it seems, I will however draw the line at Emma's new baby brother. The infant is adorable but every bit a loud wailing mess. Emma was somewhat hurt when Snow named him Neal without asking how Emma felt about the idea first. I think it was thoughtless and yet another example of their idiocy. The only thing those two people have gotten right is the wonderful human being who was stupid enough to fall in love with me.

"Hey, let's not keep Mean Green waiting. Wouldn't want to see how she reacts when her breakfast is late now would we? "

I scoff and grin, "You better not let Zelena hear you call her that."

"Zelena doesn't scare me and it's not like I can call her 'Red'. That name is already taken in two ways; a Ruby is Red isn't it."

I chuckle and reach for Emma's hand as we walk towards the diner that's the same but not quite. It's different here in this town again. All the cars in Storybrooke are new, no more vehicular relics from the eighties. The buildings have also been brought into the current century and every person Emma's magic conjured along with this town dress better because of what's available to them this time. Actually my comment that got under Emma's skin so quickly was about an all too familiar jacket and it astounds me because it was one of the many details that Emma also enacted. I don't hate the red leather abomination but I don't love it either. I do however love the idiot that the jacket belongs to.

And as long as I'm admitting deep infatuations to myself I will say I experienced love at first sight when I looked in my garage after we arrived back in this updated version of Storybrooke. I had expected to be greeted by my classically elegant Mercedes 560SL but it wasn't there waiting for me. Instead of my old car what was sitting in my garage was a brand new Mercedes AMG C63s in metallic black. I know have Emma's magic to thank for my new car, but she will drive it over her dead body. Besides, not only is the red leather Savior jacket back but now a far newer and hideously yellow Turbo Volkswagen Beetle sits in my driveway on a daily basis.

-]:[-END-]:[-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soundtrack: "Woman Woman" by AWOLNATION, "Cat People (putting out fires)" by David Bowie & "Its My Life" by Talk Talk
> 
> Last Words: Well this was my one and only attempt at a fun/lightish EF setting story. I can't really apologize if this tale failed in some ways to certain people. I'm unable to turn off my brand of humor or the other assorted oddities that come out to play when I write and I don't want to. So if you got a kick out of this you can leave some kind words if you're up to it, but if you're going to be nasty don't vent it all over the review box- hold that shit it in.


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